


Say Nothing

by BlackValentine



Series: All That Glitters [1]
Category: The League Series - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood & Gore, Explicit Language, M/M, Zarya doesn't exist here, not sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackValentine/pseuds/BlackValentine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Darling is rescued from the Resistance, the demons he has been fighting back for so long finally break free, and there is nothing he can do to reign them back in. Only one person has the capability of rescuing his soul before he loses himself entirely to the abyss, but can Maris break through the walls Darling has built up and save his friend before he loses him forever? ** Spoilers for "Born of Silence" **</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! :) I'm going to put a disclaimer here right at the beginning to say that all characters in this fanfiction belong to the wonderful Sherrilyn Kenyon, because without her none of us would have characters to write about in this section at all. In addition, all song lyrics used are property of their writers/singers. There will be no further disclaimers, though this one may be edited as necessary as the story continues. That... should be it. >.>; Enjoy!

_"When the days are cold and the cards all fold, and all the saints we see are made of gold... When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail are the worst of all, and the blood's run stale..."_

"Darling? Oh my God... What have they done to my baby?"

Maris's dark eyes filled with tears as he removed his helmet so he could see the room more clearly. Even with the lights on, the concrete and stone walls left the dungeon gloomy. If anything, the lights only accented the blood splattered everywhere, and he meant everywhere. There was even blood dried on the ceiling. As his tears overflowed to trail down his cheeks, Maris walked slowly across the floor, informing the others he had found Darling through the link in his wrist cuff. 

Darling could hardly believe his ears, but there was no mistaking the lyrically accented voice. Maris. Though his vision was blurry and limited from swelling, he could see the short dark hair framing the delicately handsome face Darling had thought he'd never see again. A whimper escaped him as Maris finally got to him and reached up to gently cup his face in his gloved hands. Only Maris had ever been so tender with him... Hell, only Maris had ever been allowed to be.

"What, in the name of the gods, did they do to you, sweetie?"

Darling couldn't answer past the gag in his mouth, but his own tears of disbelief began to fall as the other Sentella members flooded into the room. The salt stung and burned as the tears hit the multiple deep cuts on his face, but after the pain he'd been in for so long, he hardly even felt it. He looked back to Maris, staring at those dark eyes that soothed him to his very soul. A sharp curse drew his eyes away to Syn, who took Maris's place in front of Darling. Syn repeated Maris's question as to the extent of their torture, then shook his head and gently placed a hand on the side of Darling's face where Maris's hand had been, trying to hold his broken jaw in place.

"We've got to get him down. Now." He ordered as he let go to try and break the chain around Darling's neck. It wouldn't budge, making the doctor snarl ferally, but the carefulness with which he cupped Darling's face again belied his anger. "Kip, can you get this damn thing off?"  
Nykyrian glanced towards them, then stalked over with an aura of anger surrounding his already menacing frame. With nothing but his bare hands, he grabbed the cuff around Darling's neck and snapped it off. Darling whimpered at the grating noise that was music to his ears. Though the barbs in his throat still hurt, the action removed the pressure and made him almost able to swallow properly.

"Almost there, bud," Syn's voice drew him back from the near unconsciousness he had been falling in and out of for a long time now. Nyk grabbed the cuff on his left hand and snapped it off, then moved to the right one and stopped. Darling could feel Nykyrian's anger grow more - he hadn't thought it possible, but apparently it was - but he knew why. Resisting the urge to curl his fingers, the memory of them cutting off his pinky surged and nearly made him gag again. He hadn't seen the wound since they had cut it off, but he could imagine what it looked like. Gods knew it smelled bad enough, and he had long since lost feeling in his hand. Perhaps that was a blessing. Heh... yeah, that succeeded in giving him a good laugh. Mentally, of course.

Darling felt the assassin squeeze his hand lightly, and he returned the gesture before Nyk let go to snap that cuff off as well.

"Whoa, sweetie..." Maris's voice came from his left as Darling began to fall away from the wall. Free of his restraints, his body couldn't support itself, but strong arms were around him immediately to catch him. "Don't worry, baby. I have you now."

 _"You always have, Mari..."_ Darling whispered mentally as he clung to his best friend with what little strength he had left. 

"Darling?" Syn's voice again, but he was out of Darling's vision ability. "I'm going to knock you out, all right?"

 _"Just kill me... please..."_ Darling begged silently, but he just nodded, not even flinching as the needle went into his arm. He honestly didn't think he would care if Syn accidentally overdosed him... Anything to make the pain stop... but he knew Syn was better than that. His ragged breathing began to slow as he felt himself fading and the pain slowly receding from his bones as his brain was blissfully numbed. Thank the gods for good medicine. He heard Nyk ordering the assassination of all of his captors, but his voice was muffled and garbled as Darling surrendered himself to the blessed darkness. 

Maris tightened his grip on Darling as his friend went limp in his arms, then gently shifted him to cradle the smaller man against his chest. Darling had never been all that heavy before, but now... Now he was nothing but bones. More tears poured down Maris's cheeks as he stared down at the other's deathly pale features.

"Here," Nyk offered quietly as he walked over to where Maris stood, "let me take him."

Maris nodded, but didn't hand Darling over right away. "Is he going to be all right?" he asked first, staring up into Nykyrian's opaque shades that mirrored his own distraught expression. Damn, he looked like crap. Nykyrian paused as if unsure how to answer, and Syn answered for him.

"I can fix a lot of the physical injuries, but the mental and emotional trauma... I can't touch that." he explained with a meaningful glance to Nykyrian, who nodded in agreement. "That takes time."

Maris nodded with a thick swallow and handed Darling over to Nykyrian, who left the room quickly but paused in the doorway to turn back to Maris again.

"You coming?"  
"Yeah, just... in a moment."

Nyk inclined his head in understanding and disappeared down the hall, leaving Maris standing in the center of the bloodstained room that smell of death. Worry coursed through his veins, chased by guilt at not finding his friend faster. Why hadn't he thought of the Resistance before? He'd known they hated the entire Cruel family... Why hadn't he thought of them first? But he knew why. Under his Sentella alias, Darling had been helping the Resistance for years to protect the citizens of Caron against Arturo, Darling's abusive and power-hungry uncle. They had been friends, and one typically didn't suspect their friends, though he knew most of the Sentella had a very different opinion about that. Shaking his head and sick to his stomach, Maris left the room and headed out passed the multiple bodies of former Resistance members to where their ships were docked in the hangar. Nyk was waiting for him by his own ship, and inclined his head as Maris drew near. 

"Darling is resting securely, but Syn doesn't dare work on him until we get to the hospital base. Are you ready?"

Maris nodded, but glanced back at the hideout where blaster fire and screams could still be heard as the rest of the Sentella members, along with Nero and Caillen, tore through the Resistance like paper dolls. Nyk's head tilted slightly as he followed Maris's gaze.

"The others will catch up later," he assured him quietly, placing a hand on the other's shoulder. Syn poked his head out of the door at the top of the ramp above their heads.

"We need to get going," he said, the strain in his voice telling them without telling them that his concern for Darling's condition was growing. Maris turned back to them, fresh tears burning his eyes, and Nyk led him up the ramp to take Darling back to safety.


	2. Crashing

. 

_"All that time I was searching, nowhere to run to; It started me thinking, wondering what I could make of my life and who'd be waiting. All this time, I still remember everything you said; There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget..."_

After what felt like hours, the ship finally docked at one of the Sentella stations. Nykyrian carried Darling out as Syn ran ahead to get a room ready, and Maris was practically on Nyk's heels. Darling had already crashed once on the way there, and Syn was worried about him doing it again. They needed to get him stabilized. Questions tumbled around in Maris's mind as they hurried towards the building, questions he burned to pepper Nyk and Syn with, but he remained silent while they rushed inside. Syn met them in the lobby with a stretcher, which Nyk lay Darling on as gently as possible so as not to jar him more. Maris couldn't look away from the blood dripping off of Darling's fingers.

"Get Nero down here on stand-by," Syn told Nykyrian, who nodded. He didn't have to finish with a reasoning. Syn was the best doctor in all the systems... If he needed the help of a Trisani, then all hell had broken loose. Returning Nyk's nod, Syn glanced at Maris and hesitated when he saw the way the smaller man was staring at the blood. Reaching into his coat, he pulled out his flask and some candy to hand to Nyk. "And give these to Maris. Watch him..." He added before whisking Darling away through the double doors.

Maris still couldn't look away. Even after the bed was taken away, he stood there staring at the small pool on the floor. It seemed so out of place in the blindingly sterile hospital, the fluorescent lights making it gleam like some low-budget horror movie. _"I hate horror movies..."_ Darling liked them, though, so Maris watched them with him sometimes. Well, maybe 'watched' wasn't the right term, since he usually spent most of the movie buried behind his hands and/or in Darling's shoulder. It was worth it, though, to hear Darling laugh and to feel his friend's arm around him. Darling. Where was he? Maris broke his stare to look up at where the bed had been, then lifted his head to Nyk's concerned face. 

"Wh-where is Darling?"

Nykyrian furrowed his brow, his concern mounting. "Syn took him back for surgery, Maris..." he explained, his voice careful. He had seen shock plenty of times in the past, but never in his own friends and especially not in Maris. His outgoing, flamboyant personality was practically legend, and to see him like this... It hurt. Nyk was just glad Darling wasn't here to see his friend slowly breaking down. 

_"If Darling were here, he wouldn't **be** breaking down."_ True.

"He's gone already?" Maris's surprised voice brought Nykyrian back from his thoughts.  
"You'll see him as soon as Syn is done," Nyk assured him. "Probably before anyone else does."

But Maris didn't seem to be listening anymore as he stared at the double doors through which the stretcher had disappeared. _"I didn't get to say goodbye..."_ he thought to himself, tears flooding his eyes again. _"What if he dies? What if he never wakes up? what if I never get to hear his voice again?"_ Suddenly Nykyrian was kneeling in front of him, his shades off so Maris could see his concern. _"He has such pretty eyes..."_

Someone was repeating 'oh god' over and over, and Maris realized it was him. He stopped and chewed his lower lip, wrapping his arms around himself tightly as tears streamed down his face. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of the blood again, and the sight made him gag softly. 

"Come here," Nyk insisted, his voice gentle as he led Maris away to the waiting room and pushed him into a chair. pulling out a piece of the candy Syn had given him, he handed one to Maris, who took it shakily and began to unwrap it. Nyk could see he was having problems, but didn't want to interrupt the concentration, and soon he had it open. Maris wasn't hungry at all, but he knew what the candy was for, so he fought down the nausea and slid the candy into his mouth to suck on it slowly. Nykyrian leaned sideways against the wall next to him.

"Syn gave me his flask, too," the assassin offered, holding it up. "Do you want-"  
"No!" Maris interrupted, his voice coming out sharper than he'd intended. "No..." he repeated more gently. "I don't drink."

Nykyrian nodded and took a drink from it instead before sliding it into his battlesuit. Maybe Syn would get it back, or maybe he would dump it down the drain. Only the knowledge that the doctor would probably legitimately need a drink after helping Darling prevented Nyk from tossing the cursed alcohol right then. The others began to arrive soon after, and Nyk went to meet Nero halfway so they could speak while Hauk headed straight for Maris. Crouching in front of him, Hauk placed his large hands on Maris's knees to stare up at him. 

"How are you holding up?" the Andarion asked, the recurring concern echoed in his unnerving eyes as well. Maris nodded and moved the candy to his cheek.  
"I'm okay."

They both knew it wasn't quite true, but Hauk nodded all the same and pat Maris's knees before standing up and going to join the others talking to Nyk about Darling's condition. Maris could tell they were trying to keep their voices down, most likely for his sake, but it was hard for some of them to be quiet, and whispering was all but lost on a few of them. Nykyrian informed them of Darling's crash on the way to the hospital, which sent most of them to cursing, and Hauk into a fit of what Maris assumed was Andarion, since he couldn't understand a word of it. There was no mistaking the rage behind the words regardless. Nyk, however, could understand, and quietly asked Hauk if all of Darling's attackers were already disposed of. The Andarion answered affirmatively, then gnashed his teeth together.

"I'd like to have Nero bring some back just so I can kill them again."  
"They're not worth the power drain," Nero responded coldly. "Not even to kill them again."

Hauk huffed angrily, crossing his massive arms over his equally massive chest. "Least they got what they deserved. Shoulda seen it, drey... Mister psychic here found the one who carved his name into Darling's face. Made him start bleeding from every orifice in his face before he dropped to the floor like a nail. Pretty freaky stuff."

Nero shrugged at Nyk's arched eyebrow. "Brain squeeze. Bastard deserved it."

"Remind me to never piss you off," Caillen mused with a low whistle.

"So is Syn hopeful for his recovery?" Nero asked, turning attention back to Nykyrian again. Nyk sighed, but nodded.

"Physically, he's optimistic. Mentally..." he trailed off, but they all nodded. Most of them were scarred just from seeing Darling's condition. Having had to live through it... Only Syn and Nyk had ever lived through similar torture, and neither of them were fond of reliving it. 

"We're just waiting on Syn, then?" Hauk asked, sighing at Nyk's nod. "Great."

Nykyrian fully well understood the Andarion's impatience, but with the extent of Darling's injuries, even Syn had his work cut out for him. Maris glanced up as the group began to disperse. Hauk took the seat next to him while Caillen took the opposite so that Maris was surrounded by some sort of comfort. Nykyrian and Nero, true to their justified paranoia, stayed standing, with Nyk against the wall and Nero pacing slowly across the floor, his boots silent on the tile. Occasionally Nero would pause and a thoughtful look would come over his face, especially when any hospital staff went rushing past them, but then would shake his head and continue pacing. 

Minutes passed by, slowly changing to hours. Positions shifted as they grew restless and antsy, with only Maris staying curled in his chair, knees to his chest and arms wrapped protectively around his legs. Nyk and Caillen had left once a few hours past to get food and drinks, and Maris had accepted a cup of water at Nyk's urging, but it dangled now from his fingers, still half full. Across the room, Hauk growled and smashed his empty bag of chips before throwing it into the garbage can.

"How long is he gonna be in there?" he asked, impatience flooding his voice as he turned back to the group. Nykyrian sighed and slouched in the chair he had finally sat down in only a short time ago.

"You saw what they did to him, drey," he reminded him in a tired but patient voice. Nyk rarely lost his patience, something they were all grateful for in a fight, but was sometimes irritating when the rest of them were anything but calm and patient. "It's not something Syn can, or should, rush."

“I know, dammit, I know,” Hauk responded sharply, raking one hand through his braids. Besides Maris, Hauk was Darling’s best friend, and the stress of having his buddy so badly injured… He and Maris were generally in the same boat of frustration. Maris just hid it better. More minutes ticked by in silence before Hauk growled again. “I’m going to shoot that clock!”

“Hauk!” Nyk finally growled out, surprising all of them in the room. Even Hauk stared at him incredulously. Nyk softened his voice. “Take a walk.”

“I’m not leaving,” Hauk insisted, leading to a stare-off between the two of them before Hauk finally deflated and nodded. “...Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’ll be back. Let me know if Syn comes back before I do.”

Nyk nodded and watched as the Andarion walked out of the hospital, then sighed and got up to lean against the wall again so he could watch both doors.

“Man,” Caillen piped up from his chair, a half-empty bottle dangling in his hand. “I don’t wanna be on any of yours bad sides.”

“Cai…” Maris said quietly, his first words in hours. “...Shut up.”

Caillen wisely shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are loved <3


	3. Endless

_“If I asked him nicely, d’you think he’d show me how? I’m sure he’s out there listening, but he’s too tied up right now…”_

Maris lost track of time as they waited, but Hauk came back and left again for another walk while they were waiting, and even Nyk was beginning to grow restless. Nero hadn’t stopped pacing the entire time, with the exception of once to go to the bathroom. The doors had opened several times, but after a while they had just stopped looking up to see who it was. It wasn’t until Nero suddenly stopped and turned to the door that the rest of them dared a glance, and sure enough, the doors opened to admit Syn, who looked like he had walked the fires of hell. Pale and drawn, the doctor walked towards them and held one shaking hand out to Nyk, who handed the flask over without question.

“How is he?” Nyk asked while Syn downed half of the flask. The rest of the group gathered around, except Maris, who stayed curled in his chair. He wasn’t sure his legs would hold if Syn gave them bad news. But Syn lowered the flask and wiped his mouth with his free hand, then nodded.

“He’ll be all right now,” he said quietly, even his voice shaking as he spoke. “Bastard crashed on me three more times while I had him under.” Syn passed a look to Nero, then sighed. “But,” he continued, “he’s alive.”

“And he’ll stay that way, right?” Hauk asked impatiently.   
Syn nodded. “After all that, he damn well better.”

“Real encouraging there, bud.”  
“Shut up, Caillen.” Everyone looked to Maris as the brunette unfolded from his chair to stand in front of it. “...is he going to be okay?”  
Syn hesitated. “ _Okay_ might not be the right word for it, but he’s alive.”

Maris nodded, the honesty appreciated even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Can I see him?”

Again Syn hesitated before nodding. “But just for a few minutes.”

_"Good luck with that.”_

Syn glanced to the Trisani as Nero’s voice exploded in his head. Nero stared back at him, the two of them sharing a silent communication for a few heartbeats before Syn sighed and nodded once more. Turning to Nyk, he raked a hand through his hair that had long since fallen out of the ponytail.

“I’ll be back to update you all more in a little bit.”

Nyk inclined his head, and Syn led Maris back through the double doors, the flask disappearing into his doctors coat.

“Maris, I need to warn you about Darling’s condition before we go in,” he said quietly as they walked down the long, sterile hallway. “He doesn’t look good. He’s bandaged up, and there are a lot of wires and monitors attached to him.” Syn paused to glance at Maris, who was staring at the floor as they walked. “He can’t speak right now,” he continued in the silence, “nor can he see. His eyes are bandaged, and there are a few tubes down his throat to help him eat and breathe. I suppose I don’t have to tell you that they messed him up pretty badly.”

At this, Maris shook his head. He’d witnessed firsthand Darling’s condition in that dungeon, had sat with him on the fighter back to the base, and had seen the blood dripping from Darling’s fingers in the lobby. Yeah, Syn didn’t have to tell him that Darling was lucky to be alive at all. _“I almost lost him…”_ Tears built in his eyes, but he blinked them back, stopping with Syn when they reached the door.

“You ready?” Syn asked gently, his hand on the doorknob. Maris nodded, desperate to see his friend, but when Syn opened the door, his tears overflowed. He wasn’t ready… No one could be. Even under the bandages and from several feet away, Maris could see the blood and swelling and dark bruises marring Darling’s face and upper body. He could see the bulkiness of the casts on his legs under the blanket, could trail his eyes over the endless maze of wires running from countless machines to hook into what seemed like every part of Darling’s body. Maris choked on a sob and felt Syn’s hand on his shoulder, trying to pull him back, but he pulled away and stepped farther into the room. He heard the door close behind him, but paid it no mind. All he could see was Darling.

“Oh my god, my baby…” Maris whispered as he neared the bed. Up close, the bruises were even deeper, the swelling even worse, the blood even brighter despite the dimmed lights. There was an armchair next to the bed, and Maris collapsed into it, one hand reaching up to delicately take Darling’s freezing one, careful not to hit any of the wires coming out of it. “My baby… oh my god, I’m so sorry…”

Syn stayed back as Maris lowered his head and began to weep, one hand clinging to Darling’s. He felt tears prick at the back of his own eyes, but shook his head and pushed them back. He’d had enough tears before the surgeries had begun, when he’d seen Darling’s body after they had washed the blood off. In all his years as a surgeon, he had never seen so much damage. Even helping Nykyrian, who had suffered similar torture in his childhood, but then Syn had only seen the scars of that abuse. 

Biting the inside of his lip, Syn opened the door again and backed out into the hallway, staring at the two friends for a few heartbeats before closing the door and letting out a heavy sigh. This was the hardest part about being a doctor: having to watch the friends and families who had to suffer through seeing their loved one so damaged and broken. It was almost worse than when they died, because at least when his patient died, there was some sort of resolution and peace, some knowledge that they weren’t hurting anymore. When they lived, like in Darling’s case, then there was no peace. There was only the knowledge and fear of the long road of recovery ahead. 

“And you people wonder why I drink…” Syn muttered, closing his eyes momentarily when he heard Maris sob through the door, then sighed again and went back down the hallway to face the rest of his friends and relay the good (bad?) news of Darling’s condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are loved <3


	4. Screaming

_"It’s scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls... I feel it deep within; It’s just beneath the skin..._

It was dark, but Darling had far become accustomed to that. As he slowly gained consciousness and the pain didn’t set in to kick him, however, he began to grow leery, and when he tried to open his eyes and couldn’t, panic fully set in. What had they done to him now? And why couldn’t he feel the pain anymore? 

_“Oh gods, they paralyzed me…”_

“Hey, baby. Shh, shh.. relax. You’re safe.”

Darling relaxed instantly at the sound of Maris’s voice to his right, followed by a gentle touch on his shoulder. He tried to ask his friend what had happened, where he was, and why he couldn’t see, only to find that he couldn’t speak either. Another gag? Panic returned tenfold as he tried to see what was in his mouth and discovered that he was also strapped down. 

_“What the hell?!”_

“Honey, honey, relax. Relax. You’re safe. We’ve got you.” But even with Maris’s words, Darling whimpered. “You’re in the Sentella hospital, Darling. Syn’s been taking care of you… You’re all right.”

Still Darling was tense until he felt a warm hand take his own cold one, and he squeezed it in return. The rescue had been real. He was really out of there. Maris was really here with him again, and he was safe. Gradually he heard other voices entering the room, felt other hands on him as his friends came to check on him, until Syn’s voice sounded and they all moved away. Darling was suddenly alone, and worry began to rise despite the knowledge that he was safe until he felt a hand larger than his own slide to hold his gently. 

“Hey, bud. If you can hear and understand me, tap my hand with your thumb one time.”

Syn. Darling tapped his hand once, amazed that the movement didn’t hurt at all. For that matter, most of his pain was gone entirely, but he knew better than to think Syn had worked that much of a miracle. 

“Good. Now tap again if you want the update on your condition.”

There was something in Syn’s voice that made Darling hesitate, but since he couldn’t see his injuries for himself, he had to get his status somehow. He tapped Syn’s hand once more. The momentary silence made Darling nervous, but it was nothing compared to the details when Syn finally did begin to explain his condition. Surgery on his mouth and throat, ventilator and feeding tubes down his throat, which was why he couldn’t speak. Darling tapped his hand that he understood, even though he hated the thought of not being able to communicate for at least a few weeks. Syn continued, but the doctor jargon was lost on Darling until Syn explained that he’d had to completely reconstruct his nose, cheekbones, eye sockets, and parts of his jaw. That explained another reason why he couldn’t speak, as well as why he couldn’t see, and also brought back a flood of memories of his assailants kicking and punching him repeatedly in the face, often times until he fell unconscious. 

But Syn wasn’t done. Apparently he also had several new teeth, and would deal with constant nosebleeds and infections due to the new problems with his sinuses. Darling supposed you could only fix so much in one face. _“As if I needed to look more like a freak.”_ Tears stung his eyes, but soaked into the bandages covering them. 

“I should be able to take the bandage off of your right eye tomorrow, but the left one is going to take a little longer,” Syn continued after Darling tapped his hand again. “With some luck, you won’t be blind, but I won’t know how much your vision is compromised until we get the bandages off. Hopefully you should have most of your vision in both eyes. I called in a favor with a friend who specializes in eye surgery, and he said in your condition, there’s a little over forty percent chance of getting all of your sight back.”

Forty percent? Syn was happy about forty percent? Darling clenched his teeth, ignoring the stab of pain the action caused. Oh, and of course, there was more. Syn asked the others to leave the room so he could finish updating him, and Darling shivered as a cold dread flooded over him. This was the part he’d been most concerned about.

“I don’t think I need to tell you that they seriously screwed you up, Darling,” Syn said once the others were gone, his voice remorseful. Darling was silent - as if he had a choice - and as the doctor began to explain just what the Resistance members had done to him, nightmares came rushing back, making him relive each and every painful attack that had caused each and every injury until Darling wanted to scream from the injustice of it all.

_“Why couldn’t you have just let me die…?”_

Syn paused and placed his other hand on Darling’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. 

“You should also know that you’ve been in a medically induced coma for over four months now.”

That hit Darling like a sack of bricks. Four months? Four months?! His heart monitor started to scream as his heart began to race at the news, and he felt Syn move away an instant before the machine volume was turned down. Four months, and he still had no idea how long he had been down in that dungeon. What month was it now? Four months from the day he had disappeared meant he had missed his brother’s birthday, as well as his own. He’d spent his birthday in a coma, all because of those clueless bastards who hadn’t even given him a chance to explain who he was. All they had seen was the spoiled aristocratic heir to the throne they despised, instead of the man who had been helping them and saving their lives for years. Bastards. He was glad they were all dead.

Turning his head to the side, Darling felt his breathing slowly calm as the panic subsided and a familiar coldness filled him instead. For too long he had been fighting his demons, keeping them caged and locked away from the world, but now… Now he was tired of fighting them. Now it was time for the world to see just what he was truly capable of. Darling Cruel was not some wimpy, spoiled aristocrat who squealed at every broken nail. No, Darling Cruel was gone. Kere was here now, and as soon as his body was healed, he wanted to come out to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you forever for comments :)


	5. Justice

_"At the curtains call, it’s the last of all; When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl…"_

It was hard to be grateful when he looked in the mirror and grew sick at his own reflection. Darling swallowed hard, staring at the scars that marred his entire face and left his features twisted into a permanent grimace. He’d thought having one scar was bad, but now that vanity seemed so stupid, so childish in comparison. How had Syn managed to do surgery without throwing up on him? He was horrendous, grotesque, and… 

“Monstrous,” Darling whispered, then shook his head and turned away from the mirror to stare down at his hand. The finger he’d lost had been replaced with a cybernetic one that looked and worked like a normal finger, but it didn’t stop the memory of losing it. Nor did it make him feel any better about the disability of not having it. Gritting his teeth, Darling pulled on the gloves in his other hand, sufficiently covering him from shoulders to feet in the black robes that hid every scar and injury on his body. His physical therapy was done - at least according to him, not so much to Syn - and now that he could actually use his body again, he had revenge to serve. 

Turning away from the mirror, he lifted the solid gold, emotionless mask from his desk and stared down at it. He’d made it himself to hide his face, partially because of the scars and partially because he didn’t want to be himself anymore. He wasn’t Darling Cruel, heir to the throne of the Caronese empire anymore. He was Kere, god of death, and he had come to collect a payment that was long overdue. 

No one knew of his plans to leave the base, but it didn’t take long for his friends to realize he was gone, especially since he didn’t have Syn’s medical clearance to leave the hospital yet. To hell with it. Let them try to stop him. His fury flew into a rage in the time it took to get to the Winter Palace, the place in which he had been born and his father had been murdered. Ironic, really, that this was where it had all started and now where it would all end. His link continued to buzz and ring endlessly as more and more of his friends took to calling him, but he ignored each call. They would try to reason with him, try to convince him he didn’t need to do this, but they didn’t understand how much he needed this. They couldn’t understand. They hadn’t been there, hadn’t lived those three months down there, and they didn’t have to be reminded of it every night they slept and every day they lived. No, only he had to do that, and only he could finish this. 

Landing at the palace, Darling was externally calm as he went inside to search out his uncle, but the instant he found him in the beginning stages of trying to bed one of the servant girls, the calm deserted him and left him roaring with a fire that threatened to burn him from the inside out. The demons in his soul howled and rattled their bars, wanting to be set free, and Darling was dangling the key. Arturo turned to his nephew with the all-too familiar rage in his eyes, but it meant nothing to Darling anymore. His uncle meant nothing anymore, to hell with the consequences. 

As Arturo came to his feet to attack, Darling turned the key in the lock of his soul, and the demons came rushing forward with vengeance. He slammed a fist into his uncle’s face so hard that it shattered his cheek and left him on the ground, shocked to his core. The shock didn’t last long, though, and that smug expression quickly returned to Arturo’s face, the one that said he could do anything he wanted and there was nothing Darling could do about it. This time, however, he was wrong.

Darling lifted Arturo from the ground by the front of his shirt and held him in front of his face to stare at him with a chill that would put the coldest winter to shame.

“Too bad for you that your nephew is smarter than he looks,” Darling growled out, his voice raspy from the damage Syn hadn’t been able to repair. “I want you to know that every time you hit me, every time you threw me on the ground and kicked me, every time I cried and whimpered and begged for you to stop… I could have killed you so easily that restraining myself hurt more than all of your attacks combined.” He tightened his grip on Arturo’s shirt, a sadistic smile curving his scarred lips as he watched his uncle try desperately to squirm out of his hold. “The love I have for my family may have kept me from killing you before,” he continued, “but I found another way around it. Your services…” Darling plunged his dagger straight into his uncle’s heart, holding it there to keep him alive a few minutes more. “...are no longer needed.”

Arturo gasped in pain, flailing to get at the knife, and Darling pulled away to let him drop to the ground, the blade still stuck deep in his chest.

“That was for my father,” Darling said as he stood over his uncle while he slowly bled out on the stone ground, then leaned over to slash at his uncle’s throat with another knife from his sleeve. “And that was for me.” 

Neither wound would kill him quickly, but the doctors wouldn’t be able to help him, either. Guards came running from every direction to protect their leader, but stopped when they drew near. Darling looked around at the same guards who had dragged him back over and over again, who had abused him and tormented him for years. He memorized their faces, saw the determined and smug looks in their eyes, then unclasped his robe and let it fall to the ground. The guards took a step back, and Darling smirked again. Covering his entire body were bombs ready to go off, and there was enough firepower to take down everyone and everything for a three mile radius. All it would take was one shot, and it would all be over.

“Who’s feeling brave today?” Darling taunted, but no one stepped forward. He let out a short laugh. “What, no one wants to die tonight?” The guards were silent as they slowly backed away, confused now that they weren’t in charge. Cowards… they had never been in charge. 

“I really should have done this a long time ago…” he thought to himself as he watched the men who had abused him moving away with the same fear he had once held in his eyes. But he knew why he hadn’t. Besides the fact that his family would have been killed off, Darling had always played by the rules. He had always striven for fairness and justice, and look where that had gotten him. This was no time for sane rational. 

“Go tell the other filthy aristocrats that there is a new Caronese emperor tonight. Arturo was a wimp compared to how I’m going to rule you, and if any of you feel like being heroic and overpowering me, go ahead. You’ve seen now what I can do, and that was just the preview. You come after me, and you will die.”

His point proven, he shoved through the group of guards, daring one of them to try something, but for once they were smart and let him pass. Back in the palace, he ordered everything Arturo had touched to be destroyed and burned, and each item replaced anew. He would rid this palace, this empire, of his uncle’s stench, and tomorrow he would start his new rule. If they thought it had been bad before, they hadn’t seen anything yet.

“I’m coming for you…” he whispered as he stood at the window watching the guards he had warned go running off to tell the others. “...and each and every one of you will die…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and cookies are loved <3


	6. Mistaken

  
_"I'm through with doubt. There's nothing left for me to figure out. I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying. I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down; I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round..."_   


Maris was at a loss. For the past few days, he had watched Darling steadily decline in sanity and care for anything and anyone, including himself. He'd known his friend was teetering on the edge in the weeks before his capture, and had feared his fall after the abuse he had suffered, but never had he imagined that it would be this bad.

Immediately after his ascent to the throne, Darling had taken it upon himself to plant dirty bombs all over the palace, each one set to go off if they weren't reset, and since only Darling knew the schedule and location of the bombs, no one dared to kill him or even wound him to stop his madness. The bombs he had strapped to himself that first day were still there, and Maris was considerably sure that his friend hadn't bathed since that day, either. Every time Maris tried to speak to him, he was met with a silent glower from behind that creepy mask that gave him chills, and after watching Darling slaughter not only most of his guards, but every doctor who had ever 'treated' him, every staff member at all of the mental hospitals he had been confined in, as well as every member of the Resistance that the Sentella had missed, Maris had taken to just watching over Darling from the background instead. He had even blown up or burned down the hospitals he had been sent to, and had laughed over the ashes and rubble. 

Never had Maris been scared of any of his friends - not completely, anyway - but now... now he was terrified for not only his life, but Darling's as well. The wanted lists he had been on before made a mockery of how many governments and assassins wanted his head now, and Maris knew it was only a matter of time before someone decided that sparing the Caronese empire wasn't worth it anymore. One day, someone would take that fateful shot at him, and then it would be all over. Maybe it would be a blessing, and maybe it was what Darling wanted, but Maris couldn't stand the thought of losing his best friend more than he already had. There had to be something they could do. 

Seeking out Darling in his study where the latter had been spending most of his time - when he wasn't out patrolling the hallways like a ghost, of course - Maris knocked on the door before peeking his head inside so as not to spook his friend again. The last time he'd done that, Darling had almost shot him. Darling didn't answer, but there was a blaster pointed at Maris's head when he looked inside. 

"Hey, honey. Just me," Maris said, keeping his voice gentle as he slid into the room and closed the door behind him, hands out at his sides to show his friend that he was unarmed. Darling didn't lower the blaster until the door was closed, then turned away to toss the weapon on the desk so he could pick up a bottle of Tondarian Fire that was already half gone. Maris couldn't remember the last time he had seen Darling drink anything heavier than wine, but now his friend was practically living on alcohol and painkillers. Hell, he didn't think he'd seen Darling eat anything else at all since his unscheduled release from Syn's care. How he was still conscious, Maris had no idea. "I just wanted to come check on you. I haven't seen you all day," he continued, daring a few steps closer. 

Darling growled lowly behind the mask, the bottle clasped tightly in his gloved hand. "As you can see, I'm fine," he snarled out in the raspy voice that had been ruined by the barbed gag. Maris swallowed passed the lump in his throat at the first words Darling had said to him in days. Darling's gentle, lilting voice was gone, replaced by this growling monster who uttered pain with every word. It made Maris sick, and he wished some of his tormentors were still alive so he could kill them himself. Never in his life had he wanted bloodshed more than after seeing his friend in that condition, and it was still lingering now. 

"You don't seem fine to me," Maris commented quietly, biting his lip at the bitter laugh that came from Darling's scarred lips.

"This is as good as it gets now, Maris. Better get used to it."

But Maris couldn't get used to it. The memories of his sweet, calm, and gentle friend who could crack jokes even in the middle of the worst darkness wouldn't leave him alone, and he wanted that friend back more than anything.

"So did you come for anything important?"

Darling's question snapped Maris from his nostalgia, and he blinked to find cold blue eyes staring at him from under the black cowl and emotionless mask. 

"I just... wanted to see you. I miss you."

The words sounded pathetic even to Maris, but they were true. He missed his friend, and even if this insane Darling was all that was left, it was still better than not having him there at all. Darling stared at him for a moment, then scoffed and turned away to take another drink.

"Right. No one wants to see me."

"I do," Maris argued, his voice still quiet and gentle. He didn't want to get into another fight with him, especially not after that much alcohol. "And your other friends do, too. Nykyrian, Syn, Hauk... They're all worried about you."

Darling scoffed again and walked away to the window, where he stood staring down at the grisly monument he had built outside, composed of the decaying heads of his uncle and former royal guard. 

"I don't want their pity."

Maris shook his head, following him a few more steps. "It's not pity, Darling. They're your friends; they care about you and they're worried. Look at yourse-"

He cut off the words, but realized too late what a mistake they had been. Darling whirled on him with a feral snarl, the neck of the bottle cracking under his grip.

"Look at myself?!" Darling roared. "You want me to look at myself?! Why the hell would I want to look at what they did to me, Maris?! Why would I want to see that again?!"

Maris held his ground despite the urge to run out the door behind him, and stared at his friend as calmly as he possibly could.

"Honey, that's not what I-"

His words were cut short by the shattering of broken glass as Darling threw the bottle on the ground, smashing it into a million pieces that went flying everywhere. Maris raised his arms to block his face, and wiped his mouth of the alcohol that had splashed on his skin. Bitter memories of his own days of alcoholism came flooding back, but he forced them down. Now was not the time, if there ever was one. 

"Don't lie to me!" Darling was screaming at him, making his voice even more raspy with the effort. "Don't you dare fucking lie to me!"

Still Maris held his ground, lowering his arms slowly back down to his sides as he stared at his friend with saddened eyes.

"I'm not lying to you, Darling. I'm not going to say I never have, but there is no reason for me to do so now. They really do want to see you. They miss you, just like I do, and want to help you."

Darling scoffed again. "You can't help me. None of you can help me, and I wouldn't want it if you could!"

Maris sighed, his options running out. How was he supposed to reach someone who denied every word he said, and called him a liar at every turn?

"Please, sweetheart... Just talk to them? Maybe let them come see you?"

"No!" Darling roared at him again, hands clenched at his sides as his eyes snapped fire. "They don't want to help me... that's just an excuse to get in so they can kill me!"

Sputtering in disbelief, Maris gaped at him. "Kill you?! Darling, what has gotten into you? _Besides the alcohol and painkillers..."_

"And you," Darling continued in a rage, "you're the one trying to bring them in here! You're trying to get me killed, aren't you?!"

Maris felt his temper slipping, something that was rare enough on its own, and almost never happened with Darling. How could he accuse him of something like that after all they had been through? But still he kept his tone even and his voice as gentle as possible given his frustration.

"You know better than that, Darling. I've never tried to hurt you in the past, and I'm not about to start now when you obviously need someone on your side." This time Darling didn't argue, just turned away to look around the room, no doubt for another bottle of alcohol. Maris sighed as he found one and popped it open. "I don't know what you want from me, sweetheart. What can I do to help you? Isn't there anything? Anything at all?"

_"Kill me."_

But despite his accusations, deep down he knew that out of anyone in the entire nine systems, Maris would be the last person to ever hurt him, much less kill him. Shaking his head, Darling drank down a good portion of the bottle, enjoying the sting of it on his damaged throat. "No," he said quietly. "There's nothing you can do. Just leave me to my fucking misery and let me be."

A tic started in Maris's jaw, betraying his growing agitation. "Then what am I supposed to do, huh? Stand around twiddling my thumbs while you drink yourself into oblivion? In case you hadn't noticed, I actually care about you, and it's killing me to see you like this. I mean seriously, Darling... would it kill you to take the bombs off long enough to at least take a shower? Or shave? Or something?"

He hadn't thought his words would mean much, but he paused as the aura around Darling grew more volatile an instant before he whirled around to pin him with another withering glare.

"You want to know why I haven't? You want to know why I don't take this off?" Darling's voice was flooded with all the violence he was restraining as he ripped the golden mask from his face to throw it at Maris, who caught it mindlessly against his chest. 

"Darling..." Maris tried to speak, but found his throat closed off as he stared at his best friend in shock through the tears welling in his eyes. Only a whimper could escape his lips. "...oh, Darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only gets darker from here. *Offers cookies*


	7. Forsaken

_"Even the best fall down sometimes... Even the stars refuse to shine..."_

Darling turned away from Maris's shocked expression, unable to handle the emotions flying across his friend's face. Aside from Syn, no one else had been allowed to see what his face looked like, and Maris's reaction sent the reason home all over again. He was repulsive, and he knew it. No matter what Maris said, no matter what any of them said, there was no mistaking or hiding the horror in those dark eyes. Horror at seeing him. Darling hadn't thought he could hurt more, but now a new agony washed over him, drowning out everything else. 

It wasn't fair. He had proven again and again, especially in the past few days, that he was more than able to tear through even the most hardcore, best trained assassins, and yet at their hands, he had been helpless. Of all the things Darling hated in the world, it was people who took advantage of those unable to defend themselves that made him truly sick. It was something he had always fought against, and still he had become a victim of it by the same people he had helped to fight against the very thing they had done to him.

Suddenly the room was too small as the smell of blood, vomit, urine, and feces all came rushing back at him. Their voices as they mocked him rang in his ears, tormenting him endlessly even in death until he could hear nothing but the roaring chaos...

Still holding the unbroken bottle in one hand, he lifted it to take another drink, the burn bringing him back to himself again. Maris hadn't moved from his spot, still holding the mask against his chest as he watched Darling with a commotion of emotions fleeting across his face. That was fine... at least he had stopped arguing.

"Are we at an understanding now?" Darling asked, his words seeming to shake Maris from his shocked daze. Still silent, Maris crossed the room and set the mask down on a bookcase before reaching for the bottle in Darling's hand.

"You know I've never cared what you look like, Darling. You're beautiful to me regardless, inside and out."

Darling pulled the bottle out of his reach with a sharp exhale. "Liar..." he accused again, but there was no force behind it this time, and when Maris reached for the bottle again, Darling let him take it.

Setting the bottle next to the mask on the shelf, Maris gently took one of Darling's hands in his own. "You don't need this, Darling. All of this... this isn't you."

 _"I'm_ not me, Mari," Darling said, his voice falling quiet as he let Maris hold his hand, his back still to his friend as he stared out the window. "There's nothing left in me but hatred and disgust and misery, and it's so dark. There's no light in the abyss... no light at the end of the tunnel; only more darkness."

Maris swallowed hard at the agony in Darling's voice and stepped closer, releasing his hand to wrap his arms around Darling's waist. Fully expecting him to shove him away or shoot him or at least curse at him, Maris was caught by surprise when Darling leaned back into his hold, relaxing against his chest. It had been years since Maris - or anyone, for that matter - had been allowed to hold him like this, and that alone told Maris just how much Darling desperately needed someone. Maris knew his friend was flagged out of his mind, but for now, he would offer what comfort he could before Darling snapped out of it. 

"I'm so fucked up..." Darling whispered as he leaned his head back onto Maris's shoulder and lifted one arm up to wrap around Maris's neck. "I'm so tired of the pain and the memories. I just want to sleep, and they won't even let me do that. I'm just so tired."

The words tore at Maris's heart as he tightened his hold and began to sway with him slowly.

"I've got you, sweetie. Just rest... I won't let anyone hurt you again," he promised, brushing back the greasy strands of hair so he could kiss Darling's cheek. 

Darling relaxed more in Maris's arms, causing the other to tighten his hold once more as Darling turned his head to stare at him. His eyes, which had been so cold and brutal for the past few days, were now drowning oceans of misery that made Maris's breath catch in his throat.

"You've always been here for me, Mari," he whispered, his words beginning to slur as the alcohol finally took effect. "You've never hurt me, not ever."

Maris gave him a small smile, even if it was forced. "Not true. Did you forget that I got your ass kicked the day we met?"

Darling let out a small laugh at the reminder of the day he and Maris had met. Maris was being picked on, something that would follow the brunette for a lifetime, and Darling had stepped in, all tiny terror, and beat the crap out of his bully. They had been best friends since.

"I did not get my ass kicked.. I won, remember?"

Maris nodded, nuzzling his bearded cheek. "Yes you did, and you've been my champion ever since."

Darling mood grew somber again as he fell even more limp in Maris's arms.

"I wish they had just killed me. Then I wouldn't be such a burden to anyone anymore, and the empire would be better off. Drake could be emperor, and then they wouldn't have to look at me."

The words were really slurred now, but the hurt in them was unmistakable, and they tore once again at Maris's heart.

"Don't say that! Don't even talk about that! Darling, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, and to think of my life without you in it..." Maris trailed off, unable to finish with the pain the mere thought caused.

"I'm so sorry, Mari..." Darling continued, his words barely understandable as he slumped even more until Maris was supporting nearly all of his weight. "You've always loved me, and all I did was turn you down. Why didn't I just love you back? You were always so easy to love... why didn't I just accept you?"

"Darling..."

But Darling had finally fallen unconscious, leaving Maris standing there with his best friend in his arms, wondering if he had really just heard what Darling had admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is short. *Leaves plate of cookies, coffee, and tea next to the comments box* ^_^


	8. Recall

_"I'm here again, a thousand miles away from you... a broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am. I tried so hard, thought I could do this on my own... I've lost so much along the way..."_

_“You’ve always been here for me, Mari… You were always so easy to love…”_

From the chair next to the large bed where Darling lay, Maris watched the shadows grow as the sun set outside. Darling had been asleep for almost ten hours now, and Maris had yet to leave his side.

_“Why didn’t I just love you back?”_

Had Darling really meant what he’d implied? After all these years of chasing his friend and crushing on him until his heart ached endlessly for the one person he truly loved, was it possible that Darling actually returned the feeling? Granted he’d been completely flagged while saying it, but weren’t people said to be more honest when they were drunk?

_“You’ve always loved me, and all I did was turn you down… Why didn’t I just accept you?”_

Darling stirred on the bed, drawing Maris from his thoughts, but he settled after a few whimpers and relaxed back into the pillows. Maris sighed. Darling’s sleep had been full of turmoil, screams, cries, and whimpered begging tearing Maris’s heart while he’d been sitting there keeping watch over the emperor. 

_“There’s nothing left in me but hatred and disgust and misery…”_ Darling’s voice echoed in Maris’s mind. _“There’s no light in the abyss… only more darkness.”_

What nightmares were haunting his friend? Memories of his torture, or simply memories of his past? This wasn’t the first time Maris had seen him like this, but the first time had been after Darling had been institutionalized for being gay. Maris shuddered at the memory of those months, and the trauma he’d seen in Darling’s eyes. In comparison, the anger in that blue gaze was actually better, as sad as that was. At least this time Darling let Maris touch him, or be near him at all, and he wasn’t hiding in a corner.

_“That’s something.”_

“Maris…?”

Darling’s voice snapped Maris back to reality, and he reached over to turn on a dim light so as not to hurt the other’s eyes. When had the room gotten so dark?

“I’m here, Dar. You’re safe.”

“It’s dark,” Darling commented, his voice scratchy from sleep. “What time is it?” Maris turned the clock to Darling, who cursed and rubbed at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“You were exhausted,” Maris pointed out quietly. Darling sighed and lowered his hands to stare at his friend, seeing the other’s own exhaustion now that his eyes were used to the light.

“Have you slept?”

Maris’s heart skipped a beat at the concern in the other’s voice, but he wouldn’t get his hopes up. Being concerned didn’t mean he was better, especially when Darling was still half asleep. Shaking his head, Maris slid a hand through his hair to brush it out of his eyes.

“No, I stayed up to keep watch.”

Of course he had. Only Maris understood his paranoia, and did all he could to stifle it and make him feel as safe as possible. Sighing again, Darling rubbed at his eyes some more and slowly sat up, waiting for the familiar pain to set in. When it didn’t kick him breathless, he suddenly realized that someone had removed his heavy robe and boots, as well as his gloves. Anger flared as he turned to Maris again.

“Did you undress me?” he growled out, but Maris waved a dismissive hand at him.

“Please, honey. If I’d undressed you, you’d be naked. I just wanted you to be comfortable.” 

Darling opened his mouth to protest, but Maris stood from the chair and shook his head. “Dar, I’ve been up for almost forty hours now, and I’m not arguing with you any more. Your things are at the foot of the bed.” He started to walk away, but paused at the door to turn back, his gaze softening again. “...goodnight, Darling.”

“Goodnight…” Darling whispered, but Maris was already gone, the door already closed. Disgusted with himself for snapping at his friend so easily, he turned his head to stare at the chair Maris had been watching over him in. He owed Maris so much more than he could ever compensate for, yet recently all he’d done is shove him away at every turn. 

“I’m sorry, Mari…” 

Shaking his head, Darling dragged himself out of bed to go check on his empire. He hated sleeping, even with someone watching over him, and all he could think of was what had happened while he’d been out. Riots? Rebellion? Mutiny? Total and absolute chaos? 

His panic mounting, Darling got redressed and left the room, fully expecting the hallway to be on fire or full of traps or anything else his imagination could come up with. But the hallway was quiet, the night settling in with a gentle hush. Darling left the room hesitantly and moved down the hall in silence. No League assassins popped out to attack him, and no destruction met him along the way to his throne room, which was also silent as death.

_“Probably not a good analogy…”_

Blaster in hand - when had he taken it out? - he inched into the throne room like a skittish deer into an open meadow. Anyone could have a clear shot here, no matter where he was standing. Seconds ticked by as he strained his ears for any movement, but all he could hear was the pounding of his own heart. Finally he lowered the blaster and crossed the room to continue his patrol. 

It took hours to check the entire palace, but the only people he saw were guards and kitchen staff, all of whom ignored him except to bow… if they acknowledged him at all. By now it was full dark, the grandfather clock in the office echoing out eleven dull chimes before falling silent again. Darling sighed in semi-relief, standing in the throne room once more, and, content that no uninvited guests were there, he turned to go back to his office. He paused at the heavy wooden doors to glance down the hall towards Maris’s room, but thought better of it and stepped inside. Tolerant as he was, Maris might shoot him if he woke him up now.

Stepping into the room, Darling stopped when something crunched under his boot. Glass? He turned on a light and looked down to see that the floor was indeed covered in glass, and parts of the carpet looked wet. Had he dropped something last night, or had someone broken a window? Lifting the blaster again, he stared around the room to make sure he was its only occupant, then lowered it again when he smelled alcohol. What had he done last night?

Darling looked to his bookcase, where another intact bottle caught his eyes, and the night before came rushing back through the headache. He hadn’t dropped the bottle at all; he had thrown it in anger at something Maris had said. Maris had been angry at something as well, but his friend always hid it well. Regardless, Darling remembered the anger and hurt in those dark eyes and swallowed hard. 

“I’m such an ass,” he scolded himself as he moved to pick up the bottle off the shelf. Taking a swig, he stared at the clear liquid as bits and pieces of the night slowly came back to him. Maris trying to convince him to let their friends come see him. The look of horror when Darling had flung off his mask. Gentle arms around his waist and soothing words in his ear… Maris. Maris had held him and soothed him even after Darling had screamed at him... and Darling had let him. His accusations to his best friend echoed in his mind, making his throat tight. 

“I don’t deserve you, Maris,” Darling whispered, taking another drink and moving around the desk towards his chair so he could check his email.

 _“Why didn’t I just love you back?”_ He froze as his own voice in his mind stopped him in his tracks next to the desk. _“You were always so easy to love… Why didn’t I just accept you?”_

Shit. Had he really admitted that to Maris last night? Even though he knew it broke Maris’s heart, Darling had restrained his own feelings for the brunette for several years now. Hell, Maris even still thought he was only pretending to be gay. Had he really blown it all in one drunken rage? 

Darling set the alcohol on the desk and lifted both hands to cover his face.

“Shit,” he whispered into the silence. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, you're in trouble. Sorry... the game jingle was the only thing I could think of. Also sorry that this is a day late. I love you all? :)


	9. Fool

_“I shoot the lights and I curse the dark; I need your love but I break your heart…”_

Darling stared at the heavy wooden door, debates running through his mind. It was still early… The sun wasn’t even up yet, and Maris hadn’t been asleep for very long. Did he dare face his friend’s wrath for waking him up too early? Mari never did well without enough sleep. 

_“You single-handedly took out your entire guard and ten League soldiers, and you’re scared of waking your best friend?”_

Damn right he was. He was insane, not stupid.

_You were always so easy to love… Why didn’t I just love you back?_

Darling swallowed harshly. He had to know if he’d really said that or just thought it. He was praying it was the latter, but the gods hadn’t exactly been good to him lately. Actually, they kind of sucked. Taking a deep breath, he glanced up and down the hallway before knocking on the door. Seconds passed with no answer, so he knocked again, harder this time. Several more seconds, and he was about to knock again when the door swung open to reveal a very disheveled Maris glaring at him over the barrel of his blaster, which was pointed at Darling’s forehead. To his credit, Darling didn’t react at all, but he did have to fight the urge to immediately disarm his friend. Too much time spent on the receiving end of abuse did that.

Thankfully Maris recognized him quickly and lowered the blaster to his side, the other hand sliding through his mussed up hair.

“Geeze, Dar. Come on, come in. Is everything okay?”

Darling didn’t answer as he stepped into the room, letting Maris close the door behind him. ‘Okay’ depended on if he had revealed his secret or not. 

“Dar?” Maris went around his friend to look at his face, which was covered in that horrible mask again. He sighed. “I really wish you would take that thing off. It’s hard to talk to some emotionless ghost all the time.”

He really hadn’t expected a response to the request, but to his surprise Darling actually reached up to remove the mask. Maybe there was hope after all. 

“I… We need to talk, Mari. About last night.”

Worry coursed through him, but Maris nodded and moved to sit cross-legged on his bed, adjusting his robe so it didn’t reveal anything.

“Okay, what about? A lot happened last night, hon.”

Darling nodded and followed his friend to sit on the edge of the bed, gloved hands clutching the wooden frame as he stared down at the carpet.

“I don’t remember most of it, but I know I hurt you with… whatever I said.” He paused for a moment before letting out a slow breath. “I’m sorry, Mari. For whatever I said that hurt you.”

Maris blinked at Darling’s rigid profile on the edge of his bed. An apology was one of the last things he had expected out of this conversation, but it made him feel better nonetheless that there was rational reasoning left in his friend. 

“It’s all right, honey,” he said gently. “You were angry and, well… very drunk.”

Darling shook his head at Maris’s easy forgiveness. He was always so hard on himself, while Maris always forgave his faults so quickly. 

“It’s not all right, but I don’t want to argue with you about how much of an ass I was.” He sighed and kicked his feet slowly, letting his heels click back against the wood. “I need to ask you, though. Did I… mm. Did I say anything else before I fell asleep? You were holding me, talking to me, but I don’t remember what we talked about.”

A flicker of panic sparked inside Maris, but it was quickly squelched by sadness. Darling didn’t remember practically admitting his love to him? How could he have meant it if he didn’t even remember saying it?

 _“You knew better than that…”_ he reprimanded himself, but the knowledge didn’t make it hurt any less. He really had to stop getting his hopes up like this. 

Maris bowed his head, staring at a stray string on his robe. 

_“Tell him. Tell him the truth and ask if he meant it!”_ But what if Darling denied it? Or worse, said it wasn’t true? What if he claimed it was just the alcohol talking? Maris didn’t think his heart could handle a true rejection like that.

“Maris?”

Maris glanced up to find worried blue eyes staring at him. Who knew what, as emperor, Darling was concerned about having revealed. His love for him, real or not, was probably the last thing on his mind. Chastising himself for being so foolishly selfish, Maris shook his head.

“Nothing important, Dar,” he lied with a forced smile. “You didn’t reveal any secrets of the empire to me.”

Darling let out a soft ‘heh’. Honestly, he hadn’t even thought about that, though it made him wonder if he’d spoken to anyone else, in person or over the computer, while he’d been drunk. Yeah… should probably check that when he was done.

“Now deep, dark, personal secrets on the other hand…” 

Blue eyes flashed in panic at Maris’s teasing tone. 

“What did I say?” he asked. There weren’t many things Maris didn’t know about him, either because Darling had told him willingly or because Maris, being Maris, had found out on his own, but there were still enough secrets to worry him. 

But Maris just gave him a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Why did his friend suddenly look so sad? When had that look come into those dark eyes? 

Maybe he was just tired.

_“Or maybe you’re a total asshole to him, and your apology was pathetic in comparison.”_

Yeah, there was that, too.

"I'm teasing, Dar. It was nothing, really."

Darling nodded and lowered his gaze to the bed, where a sliver of pale skin caught his eye. A thought flashed through his mind that he wished Maris would shift a little to reveal more, but he quickly shoved it away. He knew he loved Maris - there was no denying that - but the thought still scared him. Blushing, he turned away, hoping his friend hadn't caught him looking. But Maris didn't seem to be paying attention, and Darling slid off of the bed, picking his mask up from the blanket. He needed to get away from those thoughts, and he knew just the bottle to get away with.

"You should sleep. Sorry to have woken you."

Maris finally lifted his gaze, something hidden tumbling in those sleepy, dark eyes, but nodded without commenting on whatever thought was causing the turmoil.

"Yeah. G'night, Darling."

Darling stared for a few moments that felt like hours after Maris turned away to lie down. His heart was screaming, crying for him to crawl into Maris's bed and let his friend hold him like he had the night before.

_"Tell him the truth. Tell him you love him. Tell him, dammit!"_

But he couldn't do it. He couldn't force the words out, and as Maris pulled the blanket up over his shoulder, Darling turned his head away in shame. 

_"Arturo was right; you are a coward."_

Without saying a word, Darling turned and walked towards the door, replacing his mask on his face before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short. *Puts down coffee and tea next to the comments box* <3


	10. Hidden

_"Try all of my sins cause I can't stop now... Just don't leave me behind. Sometimes I lie awake, wondering if I'll get out of here, but the words stick in my throat and I stay..."_

"How is he?"

Maris sighed at Nykyrian's greeting as the assassin's face appeared on the screen.

"Hi, Nyk. Nice to see you, too."

Nykyrian's features softened a bit. 

"Sorry, Maris. It's good to see you especially in one piece."

"I told you Dar wouldn't hurt me," Maris reminded him. Nyk didn't argue, but Maris could see the worry in his eyes. Sighing again, he shook his head. "He's... well, he's slightly less insane right now."

"Slightly?"

"As in he's stopped killing people and he actually talks to me now. Not when others are around, and usually only when he's drunk, but I'll take what I can get."

Nyk nodded sympathetically. Darling had probably only stopped murdering people because they had stopped coming after him (for now), but there was no reason to bring that up. They both knew it was true anyway.

"Is he still competing with Syn for most alcohol consumed in one lifetime?"

Maris snorted. "Yeah. Wish they would find a new hobby, though, because this one seriously sucks."

 _"Tell me about it."_ Nyk had been dealing with Syn's alcoholism for years now, but recently he seemed to be doing a lot better. A silence fell between them, and despite Maris's playful tone, there was a sadness in his eyes that hadn't been there that last time they had spoken.

"How are _you_ doing, Maris?" he asked, breaking the silence that had fallen.

Maris looked up to find genuine concern on the assassin's face and shrugged, lowering his gaze again as memories of the past few days washed over his mind. Darling’s drinking was getting worse as his pain meds began to run out, but since he refused to let anyone in, Syn couldn’t bring him more, and the doctor didn’t trust giving him anything stronger without being there himself… just in case something went wrong. Something always went wrong.

At this rate, Darling was going to kill himself, and there wasn’t a damn thing Maris could do about it. The only comfort he had was that his friend was coming to him now more and more, and allowing him to hold and comfort him, at least as much as Maris or anyone could. Even if it was only when Darling was drunk out of his mind, it still meant something.

The problem, however, was two-fold. One, being able to hold and hug and comfort Darling was just a tease to begin with, but two, Darling had admitted to loving him twice more since the first drunken rage over a week ago. Both times he’d been drunk, exhausted, or both, but it still didn’t keep Maris from getting his hopes up. If anything, it got them up even more each time, only for them to crash harder every time as well. He was growing sick of it, literally and figuratively. His appetite was nearly nonexistent, peaceful sleep was a thing of the past, and he was slowly growing more depressed every time Darling tormented him with words he obviously didn’t mean. And if he did mean it, then why wouldn’t he just tell him outright? The whole situation was frustrating, and added to his growing worry for Darling as his friend continued to spiral downhill… Maris was surprised he hadn’t had a breakdown yet.

_“Because that’s all we need is you losing it, too…”_

“Maris? Maris…”

Nyk’s voice snapped him from his thoughts, and Maris rubbed one hand over his face.

“Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, I… I’m okay. Best I can be, I suppose, right?”

He let out a short laugh at the rhetorical question. The look on Nykyrian’s face said he didn’t believe a word of it, but Nyk had always excelled at reading people, and he thankfully let the lie go for now.

“If you need anything,” he offered quietly instead, “anything at all…”

“I’ll call you,” Maris promised with a nod.

But Nyk didn’t believe him. “I mean it, Maris. If Darling goes too far, we won’t risk losing you, too. Understood?”

Maris swallowed, but nodded again. He couldn’t imagine losing Darling to death in the first place, much less losing him to insanity. Having to leave his best friend and the love of his life here to fight all those demons on his own? How could he ever do that?

“...I’ll call you,” he repeated quietly. “And I should go check on him, actually. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

Nykyrian nodded, a sadness on his face as he stared back at the brunette.

“Be safe, Maris. We love you.”

 _“If only Darling did…”_ Tears stung Maris’s eyes as he nodded, feeling like a bobblehead. “I love you guys, too. I’ll talk to you later.”

Nyk inclined his head before disconnecting the feed and leaning back in his chair with a heavy sigh. The Sentella had been continuing their missions as normal, but everyone felt the difference without Darling there. Ironic really that their bomb expert who lived for the chaos his explosives created had always been the calmest, most clear-headed member of their team, but he was. Or used to be, at least. Darling had always been the rock in every situation, holding them steady through the storm. He was also a brilliant politician, and they’d seen his sharp wit get him out of many sticky situations. On top of all that, his sunny personality and snarky sense of humor was greatly missed around the main base. It had taken weeks before they stopped talking to him on the mics, expecting him to answer, and every once in a while someone still would. They were all taking it pretty hard, but Hauk… Hauk was taking it hardest of them all, other than Maris, of course. Not only had he lost a friend, but he lost his battle partner as well. The two of them were so close that they could read each other’s mind before they even had the initial thought, and they moved together in a fluid motion that made other assassin teams jealous. It was because of this that when Hauk had requested time off only one week after Darling’s breakdown, Nyk had agreed without hesitation. Now they hadn’t seen him since, though he did call at least once a week to check in. 

It had been quiet without Darling there, but now that Hauk was gone as well, the base had fallen almost eerily silent, the remnants of their constant teasing echoing off the walls like ghosts.

“Stop talking like he’s dead,” Nyk scolded himself quietly as he pushed from the chair and grabbed his sunglasses. “He can’t keep this up forever.”

Though even as he said it, he knew he couldn’t fool himself. At this rate, Darling really would be lost to them before too long, and it was becoming harder and harder to believe that he would come back from his abyss.

\- - - - - - - - - - - 

Darling turned off the camera on which he’d been watching Maris talk to Nyk, his heart heavy. Because of his paranoia and own vanity, he hadn’t spoken to or seen any of his friends since leaving the hospital base, and found it hurt now to see Nykyrian’s face. The sound was off on the cameras, but there was no mistaking the emotion on the assassin’s face, and he ached with the loss of his friends.

Swallowing hard, he turned the monitor back on to find that Maris still hadn’t left his spot. Darling hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on the conversation, but in checking on Maris, he’d managed to catch the conversation on accident. If anything, however, he was even more worried now. He’d noticed the uncharacteristic sadness emanating from Maris this past week, but his friend denied it at every turn, and Darling was growing frustrated. He was trying to pull himself from the darkness, trying to be close to Maris again, but his friend seemed to be withdrawing from him more and more with each passing day, so Darling had taken to spying on him through the cameras instead in hopes of finding out why. 

_“Maybe he’s finally giving up on your sorry ass.”_

Darling bit his lip, still watching the monitor. It would be what he deserved, honestly. He’d put Maris through so much shit, especially the past few months, and there was no end in sight. Honestly, he expected Maris to walk out at any minute, and yet his friend stayed. Gods knew why.

Shaking his head, he turned off the screen once more and stared down at the golden mask next to his computer, the gold reflecting in the sunlight streaming through the bottle of alcohol sitting next to it. The scene was beautiful really, in a morbid sort of way, and Darling had a brief thought that Syn would probably appreciate it, too.

_“Great, now you’re turning into the crazy doctor.”_

He scowled at himself, then grabbed the bottle and leaned back in the chair for a long drink. When he opened his eyes, the concept of ruining the beauty of the sunlit scene was not lost on him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um... maybe it's just me being paranoid, but is anyone actually enjoying this and reading it regularly? Please let me know? Love you guys <3


	11. Damaged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, six months. I give such major... major kudos to anyone who's still around waiting for this update. I love you all so much. Thank you to those who sent messages and comments of encouragement and love of this story... It really meant a lot. Well, I guess I've kept you waiting long enough, right? I'm hoping to get the rest of story one (yes, there's more!) up today, so keep your fingers crossed! Onward!

_“Turn the lights down low, walk these halls alone. We can feel so far from so close…”_

“Don’t. No, please. Please stop… just stop… No… No!”

Darling bolted awake and looked frantically around the darkened room, blaster set in one hand. Someone was here… someone had been touching him. He could still feel their hands on him, warm against his clammy skin that was covered in a sheet of sweat. 

But the room was empty.

Reaching a shaking hand out to turn on a lamp, he continued to look around and grabbed his glasses to clear the blurriness of his damaged vision. Still the room, now bathed in light, showed him nothing. No one was there.

Darling lowered his blaster and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the headboard. According to the clock, he had only slept about thirty five minutes… plenty of time for the nightmares to plague him again and little else. His body ached horribly, every muscle tense, and there was a migraine building behind his eyes. When was the last time he’d woken refreshed, or at least not in agonizing pain?

“Probably the hospital,” he muttered, then cursed and choked as his nose started bleeding and pouring into the back of his throat. Coughing, he gagged a bit and sat up to grab the box of tissues on his nightstand, but they proved to be useless as they were instantly saturated. Darling struggled to free himself from the blankets to get to the bathroom, kicking it off his foot as he scrambled, then stumbled as the room suddenly began to swim in front of him. First the nose, then his eyes...

“Dammit!!”

Maris jumped at the agonized roar from upstairs and nearly upturned the table as he flew from his chair, knocking it over with a crash. Servants and guards alike were staring in the direction of Darling’s bedroom, but he noticed none of them were rushing to help or even check on their emperor. 

No wonder Darling didn’t trust them.

Maris ran down the hall and banged on the locked door, his panic mounting when he heard something crash inside.

“Darling!”

“Go away!” Darling yelled from somewhere in the room, giving Maris pause.

“Oh, like hell…” he muttered, grabbing the heavy vase from across the hall to slam it into the lock. It took a few tries, but finally the lock snapped off and Maris quickly made his way into the room to find it covered in blood. His heart in his throat, ready to shoot anything that moved, he stared around the room at the mess, but there was no intruder he could see. Instead, he saw a huddled mess of black robes trembling on the floor by a knocked-over bookcase. At least that explained the crash.

“Dar, what happened?” Maris asked, going over slowly but stopping when Darling growled under his cowl.

“I told you to go away! Get out!”

“Darling, this room is covered in blood, and I’m not leaving until you show me why and where you’re hurt.”

Darling choked, his entire form shaking from it, and pulled his robes tighter around himself, the motion revealing a puddle of blood soaking into the carpet beneath him. Rushing over, Maris placed a hand on Darling’s back, ignoring the growls it invoked.

“Oh my gods, honey. Where are you hurt? Is it your nose again?” He knew the nosebleeds had been happening a lot, but he’d yet to see this much blood from one. Darling usually didn’t want him around when they happened, either out of embarrassment or anger, Maris wasn’t sure. Darling whimpered in response and lifted a gloved hand towards the bathroom several feet to the left of where he was sitting. The glove was dripping blood.

Swallowing hard, Maris got to his feet and grabbed all of the towels out of the bathroom before rushing back to kneel by his friend again.

“Here, sweetheart. Can I help you?”

Darling snatched one of the towels and pressed it hard to his nose, barely holding himself up with the other arm that was shaking badly.

“I don’t need help,” he growled, voice muffled by the towel. “Just go away.”

“Darling, I can’t just leave you here-”

“I said go!” Darling yelled, finally turning to glare at him. Maris bit back a whimper of his own when he saw Darling’s eyes jumping out of control. It was obvious the other couldn’t focus, but the venom in the glare was still clear. How could he just leave him like this? What if the bleeding didn’t stop? What if he lost too much blood and passed out? He’d be defenseless with no one else here to watch over him.

_“Maybe it would be a blessing in disguise…”_

But Maris hated himself instantly for even thinking it. Darling was his life, and he could never allow him to die, no matter what. He felt so selfish, knowing how much pain Darling was in and that it wasn’t going to get any better. His best friend, once strong and quirky and loving, was forever reduced to this helpless, angry, and bitter shell of the man he used to be. How could any of them force him to live like this? 

_“Because we love him… all of us... “_

He swallowed as tears stung his eyes, still staring into Darling’s poison glare. Regardless of whatever guilt they felt over it, he knew none of them would ever let him die. Not of they could help it. Right now, however, Darling wouldn’t let him help, and there was apparently no changing his mind. Nodding, he moved away, first making sure the towels were close enough to reach before standing and stepping away from his best friend.

_”He’s on his way to nowhere,  
‘cause he heard it was safe there,   
and safe is something valuable here…”_

Darling lowered his head again as Maris left, unaware the other was still in the room and standing out of his view. Not that he’d be able to see him anyway with his eyes jerking. Now that there was good pressure on his nose, the bleeding was finally slowing, which was good since he was becoming considerably woozy.  
Sighing heavily, he closed his eyes as tears began to fill them from the pain electrocuting his brain. His entire body hurt so badly, but he was out of pain killers and the alcohol just wasn’t cutting it anymore. He wanted to be held, to be comforted the way Maris had when they’d found him in that god-forsaken dungeon, the way his friend used to comfort him before any of this had happened, but the demons inside him snarled at the idea, snapping their jaws and shoving away everyone who tried to care.

_“Come back… please come back…”_

Darling choked on a sob as his heart pleaded and begged, crying for the only person who had always been there for him. Once again he had chased him away. How many more times would Maris overlook it before he decided it wasn’t worth it to come back? Dammit, why couldn’t he just let him stay and help? Just one time. Maris wouldn’t think any less of him and he knew it, yet his anger and pride still got in the way.

Pride… yeah, what pride?

“I’m sorry, Maris. I’m so sorry,” he said, his ragged voice breaking at the words. “I wish they had just killed me. You deserve… better than this…”

Maris’s heart broke, the declaration followed by a sob that wracked Darling’s entire frame, but he stayed there by the door, watching silently as his friend fell apart before his eyes. And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it, either.


	12. Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Casually leaves a box of tissues on the table and slinks away...*

_“When I look at you, you look through me like I’m not even there. I try not to give up, to be strong, but I’m afraid to say I’m scared. I can’t find the place your heart is hiding; I’m no quitter, but I’m tired of fighting…”_

“I don’t know what to do, Syn. I just… I’m at such a loss…”

Syn stared through the monitor at Maris as the brunette fought hard against his tears. No more than ever, he admired Maris’s strength. None of the rest of them would have ever lasted this long, not without some dire consequences.

“His drinking is worse than ever,” Maris continued, leaning heavily on the desk with his head in his hands, staring at the wood. “I don’t even think it’s helping anymore. It’s almost like he just can’t stop himself, like it’s the last hope he’s clinging to. Meanwhile he’s still hardly eating, and he’ll only sleep if I’m in the room with him, but even then it’s rare and he has so many nightmares that he wakes up looking worse than before he tried. And the nosebleeds… Gods, they’re horrible.”

“Are they getting worse?”

Maris let his hands drop with a heavy sigh and nodded at Syn’s question.

“Yeah. He’s getting them more often now, probably from elevated stress, and the blood… Syn, I’m really worried he’s going to bleed out one day, and if he faints while no one’s around, or, gods forbid, while someone unfriendly is…”

Syn nodded. Maris didn’t need to finish the thought they were both sharing. There were far too many people gunning for Darling right now, especially from within his own palace, to risk him being any more incapacitated than he already was. Sighing, the doctor leaned back in the chair and raked one hand through his hair that had grown longer since the last time Maris had seen him.

He missed them so much.

“If he would just let me see him, I could help with some of the pain with more surgery,” he offered, even though the last thing he wanted was to put Darling under again. “If nothing else, I could at least give him better medicine for the pain and to help him sleep, but I need to see him in order to do that.”

“And he won’t let you in. You or anyone else,” Maris exhaled, shaking his head. “He just wants to drink himself into oblivion, and if you give him stronger pain medicine, he’ll still be drinking and probably overdose himself. I’ve tried talking to him, trying to convince him to let you see him or just let anyone else in, but he won’t listen to a damn thing I say!”

Syn arched a brow at the uncharacteristic curse, but kept quiet, letting Maris have his rant that was slowly building in strength.

“I’ve tried to help him, Syn, gods know I have, but I don’t know what to do. He trusts me just enough to sleep around me, but not enough to help him with anything, and I swear if he accuses me of trying to get him killed one more time…” He trailed off, gritting his teeth as his eyes swam with tears.

“You? Is he serious?” Syn’s voice mimicked the disbelief Maris felt every time Darling spat the accusation out.

“Yes, I’m serious. He did it again yesterday when I tried to make him eat something. Said I had probably drugged it or poisoned it.” He paused to swallow, and when he spoke again, the pain in his voice was tangible. “...I don’t know how much more of this I can stand. It hurts so much.”

Sighing through his nose, Syn had to look away from the anguish in Maris’s dark eyes. Honestly, at this point, he was more worried about him than he was about Darling, and the hopelessness of the entire situation was hurting all of them drastically.

“Do you think you could convince him to let me come see him? I know you’ve tried, but is there any other angle maybe? A different way to approach it?”

Maris laughed bitterly. “The last time I suggested that, he said none of you were his friends anymore, and that I was obviously just trying to help get you inside so you could all kill him. Granted he was drunk and passed out soon after, but..”

But the meeting was obviously out of the question. Syn sighed again.

“Do you want me to send you more medication for him? I can’t really send anything stronger without seeing his condition, and I don’t want him mixing stronger meds with alcohol, but maybe if he has the pain meds then he won’t need the alcohol as much and we can-”

“He doesn’t _need_ the alcohol at all.”

Syn lifted both hands in surrender at the sharp tone. Anyone else speaking to him like that would be shot, but Maris was a special exception right now.

“You know what I mean, Mari,” he said quietly. He knew of Maris’s past with alcohol and drugs only because he had offered him a drink once. It hadn’t ended well, to say the least, but it wasn’t a mistake Syn had made again. 

Maris sighed, dragging both hands down his face.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t slept in two days now, and you know I need my beauty sleep to function.”

Syn waved off the apology. He knew full well that he himself was no ray of sunshine with no sleep, and certainly wasn’t going to throw stones at Maris’s condition.

“You are looking a little more villainous than Prince Charming,” he teased with a gentle smile.

Maris scoffed. “Excuse me? I’m the princess of the story, thank you.”

Syn laughed, and was thankful to see Maris smile back, even if it was small.

“All right, princess, so what are we going to do about prince not-so-charming?”

Maris sighed again, but at least the joking had brought up his spirits a bit. He needed some familiarity back in his life.

“I’ll take another shot at getting him to cut back on the drinking, but I don’t want him to take a shot at me again in the process.”

“That would be messy.”

“Indeed.”

“Well, keep us updated regardless, though especially if he does come at you. You get hurt at all, I’m coming down there whether he wants me to or not. Okay?”

“I will, Syn. Thanks.”

“And Maris?”

“Yeah?”

Syn paused to stare at him for a moment, really taking in the exhaustion and desperation lining Maris’s face. 

“You keep smiling, all right? Don’t let him take that away from you and drag you down, too.”

Maris nodded and forced another small smile for him. “I’ll try.”

“Good. Now go rescue Darling. If anyone can pull him from this pit, it’s you.”

Maris didn’t share his optimism, but nodded again regardless. They shared goodbyes and Maris shut off the monitor before leaning back in his chair to stare up at the ceiling. Part of him didn’t even want to leave the room, while the other part told him to get off his butt and go help his friend.

_“What, so he can yell at me again?”_

Probably, and honestly he was getting pretty tired of it. But this was Darling, and he would do anything if it meant saving his best friend. He’d been shot before, beat before, screamed at before.. He could handle it. Granted it hadn’t been from Darling, but getting yelled at never killed anyone.

_“Sticks and stones may break my bones…”_

Maris sighed heavily. “Here goes… probably nothing,” he muttered, then heaved himself from the chair and left the room to go find the emperor. 

_“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?  
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now…”_

He found Darling in the main hall, standing next to the throne with one hand on the armrest. He looked so deep in thought that Maris didn’t want to interrupt, but he didn’t want to spook him either. Thankfully Darling made his mind up for him when he suddenly shifted and lifted his head to stare at Maris, who was dismayed to see yet another bottle in Darling’s other hand. 

Wonderful.

“Hey, Dar,” he said after several heartbeats of staring at each other. Still Darling was silent, making Maris shift uncomfortably. “Can we talk?”

“You already are,” Darling pointed out coldly.

By the tone of his voice and the barely noticeable slur of his words, Maris could tell the bottle currently in his friend’s hand wasn’t his first of the day and he grit his teeth, biting back his irritation. 

“How much have you had to drink today?” he asked before he could stop himself. Something flashed in those blue eyes behind his mask… surprise?... and then it was gone, replaced once more by the familiar cold fury.

“What does that matter?”

Maris opened his mouth to answer that truthfully, but decided he valued his life too much to say what it was he really wanted to. Instead, he shook his head and said “I’m just worried about you, Dar. You can’t live on alcohol forever.”

“Syn did it for years, and he’s fine.”

That could be argued, but Maris decided against that as well, though it was getting harder and harder to bite his tongue.

“I don’t know if ‘fine’ is the right word, but that’s not the point. You’re not eating, honey, and your liver and kidneys have got to be wrecked by now. Not to mention your stomach lining.”

“I have bigger things to worry about than the condition of my internal organs,” Darling argued, though his tone was still steady, still cold. He lifted the bottle to take another drink, and Maris couldn’t help but feel spited by the action. “Besides,” Darling continued as he lowered the bottle, “how much more damage can I possibly do?”

Maris grit his teeth again, feeling a headache growing at his temples. He hated his friend like this.

“Darling, you’re killing yourself with this. Don’t you realize that?”

Darling snorted softly. “I’m sure that would make a lot of people very happy,” he sneered, lifting the bottle again.

“Stop it!” Maris exclaimed, startling the other into lowering the bottle, eyes wide behind his mask. “Just stop it!”

Darling fell silent as his friend choked back a dry sob. Maris never lost his temper, especially not with him, and some part of his brain screamed that something was wrong, but through his drunken haze, he couldn’t really think straight. When Maris spoke again, his voice was lower, threatening to break as tears wavered in his eyes.

“I’m tired of this drawn-out suicide, Darling. Tired of it! You’re my best friend in the entire world, and I can’t just stand around watching you kill yourself anymore!”

He watched, mesmerized, as tears finally rolled down Maris’s cheeks before the other wiped them angrily away. 

“You need to stop this,” Maris continued, trying hard to keep his composure. “You need to stop the drinking, stop the madness, and stop pushing away the people who love you. This isn’t only killing you, you know? It’s killing us, too. Don’t you care about that, even if you don’t care about yourself?”

Darling struggled for the right words, struggled to tell him that he really did care, that he missed them and wished he could have his life back, but what came out was bitter as he lifted the bottle to his lips again.

“You look pretty good for someone who’s dying.”

The look in Maris’s eyes would have sent anyone else running for the door as his inner soldier came roaring to life, but Darling wasn’t exactly in survival mode right now, and so continued his drinking instead.

Maris couldn’t believe the words coming from Darling’s mouth, but he’d had enough. Storming up the short set of steps to where Darling stood, he snatched the bottle from his gloved hand and threw it across the room, where it shattered against the floor. Darling stared after it, then back at his friend in utter shock, and Maris was glad to see some sort of emotion in his eyes other than hatred. 

“I said… enough!”

Darling blinked in disbelief. Had Maris just stood up to him? And trashed his alcohol? And yelled at him? Where the hell had all that come from? The shock didn’t last long, though, before the anger came back in a rush.

“How dare you…” he growled. “You do not order me around! I’m the emperor here, not you!”

“Yeah, well, you’re doing a sucky job at it!”

Darling scoffed. He’d heard that one too often for it to sting anymore, even from Maris.

“I’d like to see how you would do in this position. You deal with all this shit, and we’ll see how great of a job _you_ do!”

Maris shook his head, anger still fuming. He knew what he was saying was hurting Darling, and he hated it, but maybe the redhead needed a taste of his own medicine to really see what he was doing. “At this rate, _your majesty_ , a rock would do a better job at running this empire,” he said, sneering the title and making Darling see red. How dare he?! 

“Who do you think you are to talk to me like this?!”

“I _thought_ I was your best friend, and right now I’m one of the very few people putting up with you.”

The truth stung, but not enough to curb his anger, and Darling clenched his fists tightly.

“You have no right to do this…”

“To do what?!” Maris exclaimed, waving a hand towards the puddle of whiskey and broken glass, scrambling to hold the end of his rope. “To try and save the one person who means everything to me? To beg you to stop drinking because it makes you a monster?!”

Darling swallowed harshly at the words that hit deep in his soul.

“That alcohol is the only thing keeping me sane right now,” he growled out quietly. “You can’t understand this pain, Maris. The pain and the nightmares… they’re unbearable.”

“The alcohol doesn’t make it better, Darling. If you would let-”

“It’s the only thing that _does_ make it better!” Darling roared, cutting him off. Maris took a step back, but his resolve was set. This was ending now. 

Shaking his head, Maris turned and walked back down the steps.

“Where are you going?” Darling demanded as the other walked away. 

“I’m going to destroy every bottle of alcohol in this palace,” Maris announced, not bother to look back.

Darling sputtered. He wouldn’t! “Don’t you dare!” he yelled, but his friend ignored him. “Maris! Don’t you fucking dare!”

“I’m done, Darling!” Maris whirled around to glare at him, shouting now and not caring who heard. “I’m done! I won’t stand here and watch you kill yourself!”

He just didn’t understand, Darling told himself. He couldn’t understand. The alcohol’s numbing effects, even if it didn’t help much anymore, was the only reason he hadn’t killed himself off. That and guilt. Gritting his teeth, he clenched his hands into fists.

“I need that. It’s the only thing that helps!”

“Then find something else.”

Darling growled and stalked towards Maris, who stood his ground.

“You just want me to be in pain, don’t you?” He accused as he walked, his words slurring more now. “You don’t want me to die because you want me to be in pain for the rest of my life!”

“Darling, that’s not what I-”

“You’re no better than them!” Darling screamed, cutting him off. “You say you want to help, but you’re no better than they were!”

Anger and hurt snapped in Maris’s eyes. “Don’t you _dare_ compare me to those monsters, Darling. Don’t you dare.”

But Darling was on a roll now, his paranoia fueled by the alcohol and lack of sleep.

“Why don’t you just go join them then? Huh?! Why don’t you go find the new Resistance and join them?! You know enough secrets about me.. I’m sure they would just love your help!”

“Darling stop…”

“That’s right! You can tell them everything about me so they have an even better excuse to come after me!”

“Stop it…”

“Or better yet,” Darling yelled, “why don’t you tell The League?! Maybe then they can actually kill me this time!”

“Darling, stop it!”

“Hell, they’d probably even give you a medal!” Darling ranted on, eyes wild behind his mask. “Wouldn’t that make your family proud?!”

Maris didn’t even realize he was moving until his hand came across Darling’s mask, slapping across his cheek so hard that his friend stumbled sideways as the mask went flying off.

“I said… stop,” he whispered, tears burning in his eyes as his hand stung painfully. “Just… stop.”

Darling stood there, staring in shock as he lifted a hand to hold the side of his face that burned from the impact. He was speechless… Maris had never laid a hand on him before. If anything, he’d protected him from those who did.

“I’m sorry, Darling,” Maris said quietly, lowering his gaze as his anger dissipated. “I’m so sorry, but I’m done. I’m sorry.” 

He turned away again and walked out of the room, leaving Darling shell-shocked in the throne room as the heavy doors closed behind his very last friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for longer chapters! Sorry the last one was short, but hopefully this makes up for it.


	13. Drowning

_Say something, I’m giving up on you. I’ll be the one, if you want me to. Anywhere I would’ve followed you… Say something, I’m giving up on you..._

Maris didn’t hear from Darling for the rest of the day or into the night, and it was tearing him up inside with indecision. So badly he wanted Darling to come to him, to apologize and let him do the same in return, but on the other hand he didn’t want to see him at all. The words had hurt, and drunk or not, bringing Maris’s family into it had crossed the line. 

Of all people, Darling knew Maris’s problems with his warrior family. To them he was a disgrace, regardless of the multitude of medals and awards he had earned, and he was shunned by all but one of his brothers. For Darling to say that handing him in would make them proud… No, his friend had gone too far. So when a knock sounded on his door the next morning and Darling’s raspy voice had called through the wood, Maris hadn’t answered. The handle rattled, but the door was locked, and out of respect when Maris had first been given the room, Darling had also given him the only key. A knock sounded again, and Maris ignored him again until it finally fell silent once more.

Maris swallowed harshly, staring at the door until he was sure Darling was gone, and was just starting to relax again when a loud crash down the hall made him jump. 

_“Don’t go out there,”_ he told himself when no more noises met his ears. _“He’ll call if he needs help.”_

Swallowing again, trying to force down the lump in his throat, Maris crossed the room and opened the curtains covering the window, letting the sunshine warm his face. Another sleepless night… How long could he last like this? He was resilient, but he wasn’t Nykyrian. Maybe he should take a nap. Maybe he could stop worrying for just a few hours and get some sleep. 

His gaze fell to the macabre scene of rotting heads on the front lawn, causing him to shudder in disgust. Sleep. He just needed some sleep. 

Maris averted his eyes and closed the curtains tight.

\--------------

Darling didn’t leave the throne room for almost twenty minutes, so shocked that he probably would have stopped breathing were it not automatic. 

Maris had slapped him. His cheek still burned under his hand from the impact, and his mask still lay a few feet away, the strap broken.

Maris had slapped him. Darling couldn’t believe that Maris, of all people, had hurt him.

 _“Please, it barely even hurts,”_ he scolded himself, which was true, especially in comparison to when the others had slapped him with that damn gag in his mouth, but that wasn’t the point.

Finally moving from his spot, Darling went to retrieve his mask and pulled out the broken strap. He couldn’t wear it now until it was fixed, but there weren’t many people between here and his room, and his cowl would cover him well enough. At least he hoped so.

The puddle of alcohol twinkled with glass shards on the other side of the room and Darling licked his lips, still tasting the whiskey under the metallic taste of blood in his mouth from his cheek hitting his teeth. Housekeeping could clean that up later; for now, he had other things to take care of.

Darling left the room, adjusting his cowl and glaring at every guard he met along the way, daring them to say a word. But they all remained silent, not even a whisper of a comment following him down the hallway or into his office. Tossing the mask on his desk, he went to find a new strap to fix it with. He would take care of that fist, then he could settle down with a new bottle and answer some emails to make sure he wasn’t about to go to war with anyone. Let Maris stew in what he’d done for a while. Despite what his people - and apparently his friends - thought, he did still have an empire to run.

_“Too many voices, it won’t take long;  
Which one’s right, and which ones wrong  
And yours is the most likely to be misunderstood.   
If I could touch the sound of silence now,  
You know I would,  
If I knew how to make these intentions come around…”_

Days passed. Somewhere in the silent palace, Darling was still lurking around, probably still drunk off his ass, but Maris wouldn’t know. He knew it was childish, but he still hadn’t left the room, unable to face his best friend. The whole situation felt so stupid, but Maris couldn’t force himself to go out there, no matter how stupid or childish it was. 

Darling had come to his door a few more times, but his calls had gone unanswered, and now it had been thirty hours since the last knock had sounded. Thirty long hours. Come to think of it, Maris hadn’t heard much of anything the whole day. 

Standing with one hip hitched on the windowsill, Maris watched the rain splattering his window and drowning the ground below. It had been dark and gloomy since the storm moved in late the past night, and it was certainly doing nothing to improve his crappy mood. Memories of Darling before the assault harassed his mind, bringing tears of grief and loss for a man he feared would never return. 

Because how could Darling ever be the same again? Physically, he would never be the same, short of a miracle. Emotionally, he was an absolute wreck, and mentally… Maris shivered. Mentally, Darling had been teetering long before any of this had happened, so how could anyone expect him to ever be mentally sound again?

_“There may come a time when we have to admit that our little buddy is lost to us.”_

Maris swallowed hard, a tear sliding down his cheek at Syn’s words the last time they had spoken. Even Nykyrian, who had been through similar torment as a child, had warned that Darling would never be the same and may be past reason already.And that had been almost a week ago. Now…

He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall. Maybe he should just accept Nyk’s offer of evac. Though he knew Darling would never physically hurt him, the mental and emotional abuse was doing far worse, and the fact that Maris had actually contemplated stealing one of Darling’s whiskey bottles scared him. He’d been clean and sober for too long to start up again. Maybe… Maybe he should accept and go back to his friends.

 _“You can’t leave him alone,”_ his mind whimpered at him pathetically. _“What if something happens? What if you leave and he dies? How would you ever forgive yourself?”_

Maris scoffed. At this rate, Darling was bound to kill himself off one way or another, and Maris couldn’t bear the thought of finding his best friend dead one day. Though hearing he had died after the fact would probably be worse, but the sight of it… He knew if he saw that that it would haunt him for eternity.

“You can do this,” he whispered to himself. “Maybe he can fix himself. Maybe he needs to do it himself.”

Letting out a slow breath, he opened his eyes to see that the rain was finally slowing, revealing a rainbow in the distance that lightened not only the sky, but his shoulders as well. Maris nodded, settled on his decision, and moved with conviction to call Nyk and Syn before he changed his mind.

\--------------

Darling had thought, once upon a time, that the nights spent in his broom closet of a room were the loneliest a person could ever be. How foolish and naive he had been, and how quickly he had realized that naivety while trapped in the dungeon of the Resistance headquarters. Surely… surely that was the absolute peak of loneliness. It had to be. But the silence of that dungeon had nothing on this, and now Darling was once again cursing his foolishness, albeit for different reasons.

Being in that dungeon had been hell, but the silence had been better than the torture, and so he had learned to love the quiet stillness that brought him even the briefest reprieve. Missing his friends had been agony, but there had been a good reason for them not being there since they had searched nearly all of the Nine Systems before finding him.

But now…

Now it was his fault, and the loneliness of the silence combined with the guilt of pushing away anyone who had ever cared about him was enough to drive anyone to their knees.   
It drove Darling instead to drinking.

After trying to talk to Maris the morning after their confrontation in the throne room and having the only person he had left in the world ignore him entirely, Darling had gone on a rampage. Furniture had been destroyed, bottled had been smashed and shattered, and one guard daft enough to try stopping him had ended up dead. The rest, true to form, had timidly backed away.

At least they were learning.

The next morning, Darling tried again. That night, he tried yet again. His anger mounting, Darling had demanded that Maris open the door, but the heavy wood didn’t budge. Nor did he hear a peep from inside. Still he had yelled until his voice was raw, and when Maris maintained his silence, Darling raged back to his destroyed office once more.

Emotions tore through him: anger, hurt, guilt, sorrow, regret… All mixed into a roar of fury that his soul screamed out to silence. And so he had. For the remainder of the day he had gone through bottle after bottle, trying desperately to drown out the voices, the feelings, the memories, the accusations, the pain, but with every bottle they only grew louder, harsher, more vivid and more brutal than the last. He kept drinking to kill them, and they kept fighting back until he could no longer stand or see straight.

Finally his stomach, already ruined from the abuse and months of undernourishment, had begun to reject the whiskey, and Darling found himself violently ill. He grew scared as it continued, relentless against his attempts to stop it, and as he began to feel faint, Darling caught himself reaching for his link, Maris’s name a whimper on his lips. He knew he needed help - the blood in his vomit told him that clearly enough - but through his hazy thoughts he remembered what had started the drinking in the first place. 

Maris wouldn’t talk to him. Maris was done trying to help him. Maris, rightfully so, had had enough of him. This… this was what true, unadulterated loneliness felt like. It wasn’t sitting in a room talking secretly to your best friend on a link, wishing you were anywhere else in the world. It wasn’t hanging stranded and dying, praying your friends would find you and bring you home. No, true loneliness was needing someone, truly needing someone, and knowing no one would come because you had sent them all away.

The pain of that fact was more terrible than Arturo’s abuse, more horrible than his torture at the hands of men and women he’d once thought of as friends, or having to see the results of his torture. All combined, their pain didn’t equal up to this. This pain was drowning, debilitating, and left him staring at the link in his hand in sudden realization of what Maris had been talking about all along. 

“Mari…” 

Darling whimpered his friend’s name, choking on it, and clutched the link tightly in his hand as his body finally gave out and fell face-first down to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in one night... I think that's a record for me. Does it make up for the long disappearance? Maybe? What if I offer cookies with the story? ^_^;


	14. Decisions

_“In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days, I'll always feel the same way. Whatever road you may be on, know you're never too far gone. My love is there wherever you may be. Just remember that you will always be my baby…”_

“You’re sure you want to do this?”

Maris nodded, staring down at his lap to avoid the worry (and relief) in Nykyrian and Syn’s eyes. The assassin had answered his call immediately, and Syn had quickly joined him, both obviously dreading the reason behind the call.

“Yeah,” Maris responded quietly. “I think I need to.” He heard Syn sigh before the doctor spoke.

“So he’s still no better at all?” 

He had already asked the same question in various different wording three times before, each time getting the same answer, but Maris couldn’t be frustrated at the repetitiveness. He just wished he could answer differently. 

“No better,” he responded, lifting his head to look at the screen. “I tried to talk him out of drinking again, and… well…”

Nyk nodded. He had spoken to Maris a week ago when the other had called crying because he and Darling had been in a fight that ended when Maris had smacked him. Nyk knew how much the action had killed the Phrixian, and had offered what condolence and advice he knew how to. Comforting others wasn’t exactly his forte, but Maris seemed to appreciate it nonetheless.

“It didn’t end well,” Maris finished with a sigh and bit his lower lip, obviously fighting tears. “He’s still so violent, and I swear now he really is just trying to kill himself. I’m surprised he hasn’t filled the bathtub with alcohol and taken a swim in it.”

Syn snorted softly. “It’s not as fun as it sounds,” he muttered under his breath, getting an arched brow from Nyk. “What? Yeah, I tried it. It burns like a bitch.”

“Only you…” Nyk muttered back, sighing as he turned to the screen in time to see Maris swiping angrily at his eyes.

“He tried to come see me, though,” Maris continued. “Several times. Came knocking on the door and got angry when I didn’t let him in.” He shivered at the memory of Darling’s voice roaring through the door. “He broke something every time he got mad like that, but the last time was so bad. I don’t know what he broke, but it sounded like this entire office. Then it was just… Silence.”

“When was that?” Nyk asked.

“Yesterday. Around five maybe?”

The assassin nodded. “And nothing since then?”

“Radio silence,” Maris reported gloomily. “I’m so scared, Nyk. I can’t bear to go out there to find him… to find him de-”

“It’s all right, bud,” Syn coaxed gently, interrupting the word with a glance at Nyk. They’d all been worrying about the same possibility, but none had wanted to voice it, especially not to Maris. “It’s time to come home, okay? Do you need one of us to come get you?”

Maris shook his head at the doctor’s offer. “No, I can manage just fine,” he said, wiping carefully at his already reddened eyes. “I’ll start packing and come down. Might not be there until tomorrow, though. I… I want to tell him goodbye…”

Both of them nodded solemnly.

“Take your time,” Nyk said quietly. “Just keep in touch.”

“And let us know if you need anything,” Syn added.

“Yeah, I will.”

They exchanged goodbyes after the other two made him promise to call when he was on his way, and Maris cut the feed, the black screen reflecting his horribly disheveled appearance. Yeah, that totally helped him feel better. Disgusted, he pushed the chair away and moved to start gathering stuff from his closet. Maybe he should shower first and at least make himself presentable before going home.

_“Like they care what you look like.”_

True, but he usually did. Glancing at the bathroom, however, he decided this was not one of those times. 

\---------------------

Darling had slowly come awake an hour ago, his ears roaring and his stomach churning viciously. As always when he woke up with a hangover, he couldn’t remember what had happened during his drinking binge, but he did remember being terrified and wishing Maris was there.

Opening his eyes against the dim light of his room, he had feared he’d had another nosebleed, but the lurch of his stomach followed by the blood-tinted bile explained the amount of blood surrounding him instead. The number of empty bottles, not all of them in one piece, also explained a lot. 

Okay, so he’d apparently drank as much as he’d planned to, and apparently it had been a really bad idea. He’d just been so mad…

Groaning, Darling had dragged himself to the computer, wiping his mouth on his sleeve as he turned it on, wanting to check on Maris. He had flopped in his chair, holding his head and waiting for it to turn on, and that was where he still sat an hour later, staring at the screen.

When it had finally come up, Darling had gone to the cameras that were installed all over the palace, and there he’d found Maris talking to Nyk and Syn over his computer. The computer chair was empty now, the screen black, but Darling could still see the concern in the other two’s eyes as they stared back at Maris. He’d also seen Maris wipe his eyes more than once during the conversation, which had really stung his heart. 

Maris had been crying to them. Maris hated to cry almost as much as he hated to run, and much for the same reason: the moisture, whether from sweat or tears, had a bad tendency to ruin his eye makeup. But when his friend had turned in the chair to face the hidden camera, Darling had seen his blotchy face and reddened, undecorated eyes. Though his brain was still fuzzy from the hangover, he noticed for the first time just how terrible his friend looked. Maris’s hair was a mess, his clothes were wrinkled, and it looked like he hadn’t showered in a week, which was approximately how long it had been since Darling had seen him. None of that was like Maris at all, and it really struck a chord in Darling’s heart that hadn’t been hit before. He’d known all this time that Maris was upset by the situation, but looking at him there on camera - really looking at him - Darling finally realized that it was doing a lot more damage than he’d known.

_”You knew, you just didn’t care.”_

Darling cringed. It was true, and it hurt to admit, but if he was going to move forward with this, he had to. Swallowing hard, he raked a shaking hand through his hair and grimaced at the slime there. Speaking of showers, but he had other things to attend to first. 

He pushed himself from his chair, ignoring the pain in his head and stomach and… well, everything… as he began cleaning up the empty bottles in his office. Normally he ordered the maids to do it, but there was a lot of broken glass, and some long-buried part of him didn’t want them to step on the shards or cut themselves picking them up. Once they were all collected as best he could, Darling called one of the few housekeepers he actually trusted, and faced her for the first time since his abuse without his mask on. The surprise on her face was evident, but she didn’t comment as she curtsied to him.

“Your majesty?”

Darling inclined his head to her, making his voice as gentle as he could manage. 

“Please get your team together to clean out the entire palace of all alcohol. Every last bottle.”

She stared at him in shock and obvious hesitation. “I-I mean no disrespect, your majesty, but… are you sure…?”

Darling understood her fear. If he were in her place, he would be terrified of future repercussions too. But instead of reprimanding her for questioning him, he offered her a small, twisted smile.

“Yes, my lady, I’m sure. I will even give you the order in writing, if you like… Signed and all.”

“Oh, no no no, your majesty!” she exclaimed quickly, shaking her head. “That won’t be necessary. We will see it done.”

“Thank you.”

The housekeeper curtsied again and backed out of the room quickly, leaving him alone again. He could only imagine the wonder his decision would cause, but Maris had been right; the alcohol wasn’t helping him heal, and if he wanted to rule this empire properly, he needed to heal. This empire had been his father’s treasure, and he would not see it torn to ruin because of his weakness and pride. He would do his father proud, and he would show the world that he was stronger than the wussy, spoiled, whiny brat that Arturo had painted him to be. 

He was not a monster, dammit. He was Darling Cruel, one hundred and thirty-ninth emperor of the Caronese empire, with Kere raging in his soul, and he would not let the true monsters bring him down. 

...Now if he could just get through the withdrawal.

Yeah, that brought his determination down a notch. Darling had seen Syn go through withdrawal a few times when they’d had long missions and he’d been unable to get more of the whiskey. It hadn’t been pretty, to say the least. Even he himself had suffered minor ones during particularly bad parts of his life, and he’d foolishly thought those were bad. Part of him wanted to laugh at that now.

The other part wanted to cry.

He didn’t even really know what to do. Did he just stop drinking and suffer the consequences? Would throwing himself into his empirical duties keep him occupied and distracted, or would he just be more apt to screw something up? Syn’s withdrawals made him ornery and often times completely unreasonable… Would his be the same?  
Worrying his lip, Darling glanced at the computer where Maris’s room was still on the screen. There were clothes on the bed now… probably trying to decide what to wear. Darling knew he was going to need help to get through his, but his pride was still holding strong. There was also the fact that Maris had slapped him the last time they’d spoken.

 _“You mean the last time you yelled at him and hit him right where you knew it would hurt most?”_ His mind corrected none too kindly. _“You deserved that and more, and you know it. Now suck it up, get your ass in there, and ask for help instead of being a stubborn, hurtful bastard.”_

Darling swallowed hard at the scolding. Yeah, apologizing (a lot) probably wouldn’t hurt either. Glancing down at himself, however, he frowned. Okay, maybe he shouldn’t go with vomit and blood covering his clothes. 

_“Stop delaying.”_

He nodded and took a steadying breath, and glanced at his mask. He almost left it. Part of him wanted to say to hell with it and leave it where it lay, but in the end his embarrassment won out, and he strapped the mask back on before leaving the room. 

Inclining his head to the maids hurrying to follow his orders, Darling went to his bedroom to change, this time leaving the mask on his nightstand. The housekeepers and maids and guards were one thing, but this was Maris he was going to talk to. Maris had seen him at his worst, and he deserved to talk to Darling, not to the monster he had become. Darling was going to him as a friend now, and nothing else. Just himself this time.

His very… very… nervous self.

_“Everyone needs help sometimes.”_

Wasn’t it Maris who had told him that? Or was it Nykyrian? Darling shook his head. Either way, it didn’t ease his nerves. The favor he was asking Maris wasn’t a simple favor; this was colossal, and the gods knew he deserved to have Maris laugh in his face and refuse after the way he’d treated him.

With a steadying breath, Darling left the room and traveled the impossibly long distance to Maris’s room to stare at the familiar wooden door. Memories assaulted him, good and bad, and Darling whimpered as he fought not to turn and leave again. Maris had been offering to help him all along, and Darling had been shoving him away every time for a long time now. He just hoped… and prayed… that Maris wouldn’t return that favor now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohnoes, what's going to happen? :P Almost to the end of story one... Are you ready?


	15. Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darling is trying to be better, but is it too late now? Will Maris stay to help, or has he finally had enough?

_I can't get close if you're not there . I can't get inside if there's no soul to bear. I can't fix you, I can't save you; It's something you have to do. So I'll let you go, I'll set you free, and when you see what you need to see... When you find you, come back to me..._

Maris hadn't planned on bringing much with him, since he figured he could always come back for the rest, but the more he thought about the great possibility of Darling dying there in the palace, the less he wanted to return, and thus the more stuff was added to the bed to be packed. The clothes came out of the closet and got packed in the bags, a lot of them being shoved, regardless of wrinkles, as he grew more and more anxious. 

Never in his wildest nightmares could he have ever imagined that this would happen. Because how could anyone think that their best friend would be tortured and lose their mind?  
Tears burned his eyes as he packed jerkily, everything he needed being slammed now into the bags. Dammit, he usually had better control of his emotions than this, but now the tears were sliding down his face... even more unwanted as he felt now at the palace.

A knock at the door startled him, and he dropped a pair of shoes to the floor. Maris picked them up silently, waiting for a voice to identify his visitor, but only another knock sounded. Still he didn't answer, and when the door creaked open, he whirled around to confront the intruder, cursing himself for forgetting to lock the door upon his return earlier. Anger rose into his throat, ready to snap at whoever was there, but it froze when he saw a pair of dark blue eyes peering hesitantly into the room.   
Darling.

Without his creepy mask and with the hood of his cloak down, his friend looked like utter crap, and the scars marring his face made Maris' heart clench.

"...hi."

The simple word, uttered so quietly and in the most calm tone Maris had heard in a long time, caught him by surprise, but he managed an awkward 'hey' in response. He stood there staring at Darling, the shoes still in his hands as his friend fidgeted in front of him. It had been quite a while since Maris had seen this nervous side of Darling, and some part of him felt relieved to see it back, regardless of his frustrations over the past several months. 

After several awkward moments of silence, Darling suddenly seemed to notice the full bags on the bed behind Maris. A myriad of emotions crossed his face before his eyes settled once more on Maris, who was now fidgeting as well.

"You're... leaving...?"

Darling watched as Maris glanced at the shoes in his hand and looked over his shoulder to the sloppily packed bags, hating how pathetic the question sounded coming from his own mouth. 

"Yeah, Dar," Maris finally responded with a sigh. "I think I need to."

"O-oh. Um... I... mm..." Darling bit the inside of his cheek, eyes indecisive as he lowered them. "Are you coming back?"

"Will you want me to?" Maris countered, watching his friend. Darling nodded just slightly.

"I'd like you to..."

Returning the nod, Maris lowered his own gaze to the shoes again before finally putting them in a bag with a sigh.

"When you're... I don't know... better, I guess. I can't handle it anymore, Dar. I can't watch you kill yourself with the same stuff you made me swear off of. It's not fair."

"I know," Darling whispered, not able to look as he listened to Maris packing. He felt the familiar anger returning - how dare he leave him?! - but the flame was dampened now by the sadness of defeat, as well as his own guilt over finally managing to drive away the last friend he had. His only comfort now, if one could call it that, was that Maris could be around friends who would love him and care for him when he got back home to their main base where the rest of the Sentella were stationed. 

Darling heard a sniffle and looked up in time to see Maris wipe at his eyes.

"I can't stand it, Dar. I can't stand being so helpless and being haunted by the knowledge that one day I'm going to find you dead somewhere, and I can't stand it, Darling!" Maris's voice had risin with the last few words, and now he slammed his hands onto the bag before turning around to face his friend with tears streaking down his cheeks, his eyeliner long-since ruined. He could see the storm in Darling's eyes, but for once there was no anger there... only sadness and something else. Defeat? Relief?

"I'm sorry, Maris," Darling said quietly, nodding his head. "You're right; it's not fair to you."

Maris paused at the unexpected acceptance and agreement.

"You're not... are you even going to try to stop me?" he asked, feeling a twinge of hurt. He'd expected at least some sort of argument or protest or something. Anything, really, but not just... acceptance. But Darling just shook his head.

"No," he nearly whispered, even as his heart screamed in silent protest that he wished Maris could hear. "It would be wrong of me to ask you to stay after... well, after all that's happened."

Maris stared at him, his own anger rising at Darling's blase tone. This was fantastic. Just great. He'd been so upset at himself for abandoning his friend, beating himself up over his decision, and here Darling wasn't even asking him to reconsider. Hell, he didn't even seem upset! 

Darling glanced up in the silence and saw the change coming over Maris's eyes, swallowing harshly at the subtle anger he saw there. 

"I'm sorry, Mari. For everything. You deserve better than this. _You deserve better than me."_ The last part he kept to himself, immediately scolding himself for how pathetic it sounded. Maris shook his head and turned away again to begin zipping up his bags.

"Don't, Darling. Just don't. I don't need this right now."

To his surprise, Darling nodded and fell quiet, which only angered him more. Funny, all he'd wanted this entire time was for Darling to stop arguing and just listen to him, and now all he wanted was some sort of argument over his departure... something to say that Darling wanted him to stay. But still Darling remained infuriatingly silent until Maris was done zipping the bags shut.

"Where are you going to go?" 

Maris sighed and turned back once more, one hand clasping the handle of one of the bags. "Back to the main base. Nyk and Syn are expecting me." More silence as Darling nodded, followed by a barely audible 'okay' of acceptance. So that was it then. So be it. Shaking his head, Maris began grabbing his bags and slinging them over his shoulders.

Darling stood still, watching him and wondering when the hell his life had fallen apart so badly. When had the walls fallen down? When had the very foundation of his life cracked, leaving him standing alone and vulnerable on the rubble of his life? There was a lot he could blame on the Resistance, but this... this had been his own making. The Resistance had not chased his friends away, had not chased Maris away. He had.

Finally Maris finished gathering his belongings and stared at him, showing the conflicting emotions in his dark eyes that matched the turmoil in Darling's blue. They stood there in silence, unsure what to say to each other anymore, and finally Maris's eyes landed on what Darling could only classify as defeat. 

He never hated himself more than in that moment.

"I hope you find a way to get better, honey," Maris said, his voice confirming what Darling had seen in his eyes. "I really... really do."

Darling didn't bother to tell his friend that he was already trying. Didn't bother to tell him that the reason he'd finally come seeking his friend out was for help to get better. There was no point now, not when Maris had made up his mind. It would just seem like a feeble attempt at getting him to stay... another broken promise by an already broken man. This was something, it seemed, that he would have to do on his own. Darling swallowed harshly as he stepped back to allow his friend to pass him.

"...I love you, Maris."

Maris stopped cold at the open door, hand on the knob, as the words he longed to hear for so long seared through his heart. What he wouldn't give to have heard those words in the past, not just as a friend, but as the lover he'd craved his entire life. Hell, he would have sold all that was left of his damaged soul just for one night with him, but it was too late now. Now it just hurt. And besides, Darling didn't mean it anyway... not the way he needed him to.

"Do me a favor, Dar," he said quietly with a gentle shake of his head. "...don't ever say that to me again.

And then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well damn, it's only been... 8 months. Heh. Yeah, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me D:   
> This is the last chapter of "Say Nothing", but keep an eye out for the sequel, titled "Say Something" to find out what happens with Maris and Darling! I promise happier endings!...eventually...*Cough* I'm going to try to write all of part two before putting it up so as not to leave you guys (if anyone is still reading...?) on such a hanger this time.   
> So terribly sorry again for the long wait!


End file.
